was Miss
Snooks, our entertainer's cousin. I was not exactly prepared to encounter
the apparition of a female at our banquet. The landlord was a confirmed
bachelor; and I expected to see nothing but myself, and three other _lords
of the creation_, for the evening. To tell the truth, (which at the risk
of my gallantry must be done,) I was a little disappointed, for I had come
thither expecting to enjoy some private talk with the male part of the
company, and overhaul some bits of scandal not exactly fitted for a lady's
ear. However, there was no help for it. A lady _was_ present, and we had
just to make up our minds to put a bridle upon our tongues, so long as she
pleased to honour us with her company.

"I had scarcely crossed the threshold of the room, than Miss Snooks
curtsied to me, honoured me with a smile, and requested me to place myself
alongside of her. I did so, and had time to contemplate her physiognomy.
The first thing which struck me was the immense size of her nose. It stood
forward _tremendously prominent_; and behind it--in the shade--was her
face. It did not glide gently away from the brow above, and from the
cheeks at each side. On the contrary, it jutted out like a promontory, and
seemed as bold and defined as Cape Wrath or the Ord of Caithness. It
appeared to have sprung out all at once from her face at the touch of some
magician's wand, in the same way as Minerva sprung from the head of
Jupiter. It had a hump on it, too, like a dromedary; for it was a Roman
nose--such as that sported in days of old by Julius Caesar, and, in modern
times, by the Duke of Wellington--only much more magnificent in its
dimensions. I feel some difficulty in describing the rest of Miss Snooks,
so much was I taken up with this godlike feature. She was tall, thin,
wrinkled, fiery-eyed, with a blue silk gown on; and a cap, stiff-starched,
and overgrown with a mountain of frills, and indigo-coloured ribbons. Her
voice was shrill, almost squeaking; and--with reverence be it spoken--she
had a _leetle_ bit of a beard--only a few odd hairs growing from her chin
and upper lip. Her age, I suppose, might be about fifty.

"Now comes the peg 'whereon hangs a tale,' and where my feeling resembled
your own. I felt I was to be miserable for the night--at least so long as
Miss Snooks favoured us with her company; and that she would favour us
with it long enough was evident--for I had a presentiment that she was a
_blue-stocking_, and _they