re conflict began in her mind, and she could take no
pleasure in anything. Dr. Kolloch's parting question to her, spoken in
the most solemn tones, "Can you, then, dare to hesitate?" rang
continually in her ears; and the next few days and nights were passed
in a turmoil of various feelings, until, exhausted, she gave up the
struggle, and acknowledged herself sensible of the emptiness of worldly
gratifications, and thought she was willing to resign all for Christ.
She returned home sorrowful and heavy-hearted. The glory of the world
was stained, and she no longer dared to participate in its vain
pleasures. She felt "loaded down with iniquity," and, almost sinking
under a sense of her guilt and her danger, she secluded herself from
society, and put away her ornaments, "determined to purchase Heaven at
any price." But she found no relief in these sacrifices; and, after
enduring much trial at her ill success, she wrote to Dr. Kolloch,
informing him of her state of mind.

"Over his answer," she writes, "I shed many tears; but, instead of
prostrating myself in deep abasement before the Lord, and craving his
pardon, I was desirous of doing something which might claim his
approbation and disperse the thick cloud which seemed to hide him from
me. I therefore set earnestly to work to do good according to my
capacity. I fed the hungry and clothed the naked, I visited the sick
and afflicted, and vainly hoped these outside works would purify a
heart defiled with the pride of life, still the seat of carnal
propensities and evil passions; but here, too, I failed. I went
mourning on my way under the curse of a broken law; and, though I often
watered my couch with my tears, and pleaded with my Maker, yet I knew
nothing of the sanctifying influence of his holy spirit, and, not
finding that happiness in religion I anticipated, I, by degrees,
through the persuasions of companions and the inclination of my
depraved heart, began to go a little more into society, and to resume
my former style of dressing, though in comparative moderation."

She then states how, some time after she had thus departed from her
Christian profession. Dr. Kolloch came once more, and his sad and
earnest rebukes made her unutterably wretched. But she tried to stifle
the voice of conscience by entering more and more into worldly
amusements, until she had lost nearly all spiritual sense. Her
disposition became soured by incessantly yielding to temptation, and
she adds