object. Detention in the nursery for a
Sunday afternoon was no part of his programme.

Most unobtrusively Lucille faded away also.

"_Isn't_ she a hopeless beast," murmured she as the door closed.

"Utter rotter," admitted the boy. "Let's slope out into the garden and
dig some worms for bait."

"Yes," agreed Lucille, and added, "Parse _Smellie,_" whereupon, with
one voice and heart and purpose the twain broke into a paean, not of
praise--a kind of tribal lay, and chanted:--

"_Smellie_--Very common noun, absurd person, singular back number,
tutor gender, objectionable case governed by the word _I_," and so _da
capo_.

And yet the poor lady strove to do her duty in that station of life in
which it had pleased Providence (or a drunken father) to place
her--and to make the children "genteel". Had she striven to win their
love instead, her ministrations might have had some effect (other than
infinite irritation and bitter dislike).

She was the Compleat Governess, on paper, and all that a person
entrusted with the training of young children should not be, in
reality. She had innumerable and admirable testimonials from various
employers of what she termed "aristocratic standing"; endless
certificates that testified unto her successful struggles in Music,
Drawing, Needlework, German, French, Calisthenics, Caligraphy, and
other mysteries, including the more decorous Sciences (against
Physiology, Anatomy, Zoology, Biology, and Hygiene she set her face as
subjects apt to be, at times, improper), and an appearance and manner
themselves irrefragible proofs of the highest moral virtue.

She also had the warm and unanimous witness of the children at
Monksmead that she was a Beast.

To those who frankly realize with open eyes that the student of life
must occasionally encounter indelicacies upon the pleasant path of
research, it may be revealed, in confidence, that they alluded to
Miss Smellie as "Sniffy" when not, under extreme provocation, as
"Stinker".

She taught them many things and, prominently, Deceit, Hate, and an
utter dislike of her God and her Religion--a most disastrous pair.

Poor old "Grumper"; advertising, he got her, paid her highly, and gave
her almost absolute control of the minds, souls, and bodies of his
young wards and "grandchildren".

"The best of everything" for them--and they, at the average age of
eight, a band of depressed, resentful babes, had "hanged, drawed, and
quartered" her in effigy,