window, that I was enclosed in the oak-panelled
bed at home; and my heart ached with some great grief which, just
waking, I could not recollect. I pondered, and worried myself to
discover what it could be, and, most strangely, the whole last seven
years of my life grew a blank! I did not recall that they had been at
all. I was a child; my father was just buried, and my misery arose from
the separation that Hindley had ordered between me and Heathcliff. I was
laid alone, for the first time; and, rousing from a dismal doze after a
night of weeping, I lifted my hand to push the panels aside: it struck
the table-top! I swept it along the carpet, and then memory burst in: my
late anguish was swallowed in a paroxysm of despair. I cannot say why I
felt so wildly wretched: it must have been temporary derangement; for
there is scarcely cause. But, supposing at twelve years old I had been
wrenched from the Heights, and every early association, and my all in
all, as Heathcliff was at that time, and been converted at a stroke into
Mrs. Linton, the lady of Thrushcross Grange, and the wife of a stranger:
an exile, and outcast, thenceforth, from what had been my world. You may
fancy a glimpse of the abyss where I grovelled! Shake your head as you
will, Nelly, you have helped to unsettle me! You should have spoken to
Edgar, indeed you should, and compelled him to leave me quiet! Oh, I'm
burning! I wish I were out of doors! I wish I were a girl again, half
savage and hardy, and free; and laughing at injuries, not maddening
under them! Why am I so changed? why does my blood rush into a hell of
tumult at a few words? I'm sure I should be myself were I once among the
heather on those hills. Open the window again wide: fasten it open!
Quick, why don't you move?'

'Because I won't give you your death of cold,' I answered.

'You won't give me a chance of life, you mean,' she said, sullenly.
'However, I'm not helpless yet; I'll open it myself.'

And sliding from the bed before I could hinder her, she crossed the room,
walking very uncertainly, threw it back, and bent out, careless of the
frosty air that cut about her shoulders as keen as a knife. I entreated,
and finally attempted to force her to retire. But I soon found her
delirious strength much surpassed mine (she was delirious, I became
convinced by her subsequent actions and ravings). There was no moon, and
everything beneath lay in misty darkness: not a light gleamed from any
house