thin funny connected with the subject of drinking.
It is all kivered over with groans and sighs and tears and blood, and
ye'd shudder fur tu hear about it, and yer feelins may be would get tu
tossin and bilin like mad, but yer wouldn't _du_ nothin. My be in a
few minutes you'd treat me as them air boys did, and take a glass of
beer with yer neighbors, cause all that biling and tossin is on the
surface. It don't go deep enough fur tu make ye act.

T'other night a neighbor of mine was a walkin hum with me and we went
past the house of an old Scothman, who gits drunk every time he ken
git trusted, or treated or ken git change enough fur tu buy the
whiskey, and his wife ain't no better than he is. They hev two nice
leetle children, a boy and a gal, and them air unfeeling wretches,
hed, in a fit of drunken madness, actually shet their leetle boy and
gal out of doors that cold freezing night. The poor babies was half
naked, and they had curled powerful close together on the door step,
where the winds blowed around and gnawed away at their half froze
bodies, until the stout hearted boy cried with pain as he tuck off his
Scotch bonnet and put his sister's poor, little, red, frostbit feet
inter it. His own feet was bare, and their heads was bare, and in a
little while they might hev froze to death, hed we not passed that air
way. Wall, we stopped and tried fur tu make them air critters inside
open the door, but they hed locked up, and settled down inter a
drunken sleep, and the children begged us not fur tu disturb 'em for
them are children was afeared of being mauled tu death. They'd ruther
freeze than ventur in. So one of 'em I tuck and my neighbor tuck
t'other hum. He was a swearing away all the time at them air folks
making such beasts of themselves.

Now, what du yer think he did hisself the next day? He got so tight he
couldn't walk straight. I met him a going hum smellin like a whiskey
barrel and raising his feet powerful high. Says I, 'Neighbor G., I
wouldn't hev thought you would ever hev teched another mite of liquor
after what we see last night.' Says he, 'Mr. Roarer, I ken control my
appetite. I know jest when fur tu stop. I shall go hum and kiss my
wife and children and not drive 'em out of doors as Scotch Billy did.'

Says I, 'Thats just the way Scotch Billy talked five years ago.'
'Wall, wall,' says he, 'I ain't one of yer Scotch Billys; I know when
fur tu stop.'

But ye won't du it; ye'll cave under by and by