ouse was afire, and
bang! bang! goes someone's fist on the outside panel. Course, we all
chases down stairs to see what's broke loose; but before we gets to the
front hall the butler has the door open, and in pushes a husky, red
whiskered party, wearin' a cloth cap, a belted ulster with four checks
to the square yard, and carryin' an extension leather bag about the
size of a small trunk, with labels pasted all over it.

"It's a blawsted shyme, that's w'at it is!" says he--"me p'yin' 'alf a
bob for a two shillin' drive. These cabbies of yours is a set of
bloomink 'iw'ymen!"

"What name, sir?" says the butler.

"Nime!" roars the whiskered gent. "I'm Valentine, that's who I am!
Tyke the luggage, you shiverin' pie face!"

"Oh, Valentine!" squeals Aunt Isabella, makin' a rush at him with her
arms out.

"Sheer off, aunty!" says he. "Cut out the bally tommyrot and let me
'ave a wash. And sye, send some beggar for the brandy and soda.
Where's me rooms?"

"I'll show you up, Valentine," chips in Purdy.

"'Ello! 'O's the little man?" says Vally. "Blow me if it ain't Purdy!
Trot along up, Purdy lad, and show me the digs."

Say, he was a bird, Vally was. He talks like a Cockney, acts like a
bounder, and looks 'em both.

Aunt Isabella has dropped on the hall seat, gaspin' for breath, the
butler is leanin' against the wall with his mouth open; so I grabs the
bag and starts up after the half brothers. Just by the peachblow tint
of Vally's nose I got the idea that maybe the most entertainin' part of
this whole program was billed to take place on the second floor.

"Here you are," says Purdy, swingin' open the door and shovin' him in.
"Aunt Isabella has fixed things up homelike for you, you see."

"And here's your trunk," says I. "Make yourself to home," and I shuts
him in to enjoy himself.

It took Valentine just about twenty seconds to size up the interior
decorations; for Purdy'd turned on the incandescents so's to give him a
good view, and that had stirred up the parrots some. What I was
waitin' for was for him to discover the spotted snakes. I didn't think
he could miss 'em, for they was mighty prominent. Nor he didn't. It
wasn't only us heard it, but everyone else on the block.

"Wow!" says he. "'Elp! 'Elp! Lemme out! I'm bein' killed!"

That was Valentine, bellerin' enough to take the roof off, and clawin'
around for the doorknob on the inside. He comes out as if he'd been
shot through a chute,