say that the new life in a foreign land with its trying
climate, provoking servants, and altogether irritating conditions,
seemed to have developed rather than subdued my natural disposition.

One day (I can never forget it), as I sat inside the house by a paper
window at dusk, two Chinese Christian women sat down on the other side.
They began talking about me, and (wrongly, no doubt) I listened. One
said, "Yes, she is a hard worker, a zealous preacher, and--yes, she
nearly loves us; but, oh, what a temper she has! _If she would only live
more as she preaches!_"

Then followed a full and true delineation of my life and character. So
true, indeed, was it, as to crush out all sense of annoyance and leave
me humbled to the dust. I saw then how useless, how worse than useless,
was it for me to come to China to preach Christ and not _live_ Christ.
But how could I live Christ? I knew some (including my dear husband)
who had a peace and a power,--yes, and a something I could not define,
that I had not; and often I longed to know the secret.

Was it possible, with such a nature as mine, ever to become patient and
gentle?

Was it possible that I could ever really stop worrying?

Could I, in a word, ever hope to be able to live Christ as well as
preach him?

I knew I loved Christ; and again and again I had proved my willingness
to give up all for his sake. But I knew, too, that one hot flash of
temper with the Chinese, or with the children before the Chinese, would
largely undo weeks, perhaps months, of self-sacrificing service.

The years that followed led often through the furnace. The Lord knew
that nothing but fire could destroy the dross and subdue my stubborn
will. Those years may be summed up in one line: "Fighting (not finding),
following, keeping, _struggling_." Yes, and failing! Sometimes in the
depths of despair over these failures; then going on determined to do
_my_ best,--and what a poor best it was!

In the year 1905, and later, as I witnessed the wonderful way the Lord
was leading my husband, and saw the Holy Spirit's power in his life and
message, I came to seek very definitely for the fulness of the Holy
Spirit. It was a time of deep heart-searching. The heinousness of sin
was revealed as never before. Many, many things had to be set right
toward man and God. I learned then what "paying the price" meant. Those
were times of wonderful mountain-top experiences, and I came to honor
the Holy Spirit and see