any other part of my regimental duties other than certain interesting
and thrice-daily rites not unconnected with the kitchen.

It is the commonness, the constant repetition of such stupidity and
such lack of action that so much injures the reputation for
intelligence of the army in the minds of those who have served in it;
so that those who know it best, like it least--and put up with it only
because it is the poor instrument of a good cause.

The paymaster fell sick. A young subaltern was acting for him. My
sergeant pal tipped me off. As I have said, I was an old soldier with
all that that implies. He marched me up to the officer, already more
or less at sea about his new duties. I asked for money. He was aware
of my history but not of the tangle I was in:

"How much?"

I wondered how much the traffic would bear.

"Twenty quid, sir," I ventured. He went up in the air.

"Impossible! I'll give you ten."

I O. K'd that while the words were yet warm on his lips. Fifty dollars
is a great deal of money to a soldier. He gave it to me with a pass
for Scotland--where I had relatives--to which I had long been entitled
but which had been useless to me as long as I had no money.

I quickly gathered my cronies together and we packed into the canteen
to celebrate the occasion fittingly, in the only fashion a good
soldier knows, in army beer so thick and strong that the hops floated
on the tops of the mess-tins. While searching for the bottom of one of
these I heard the orderly shouting: "Corporal Edwards! Corporal
Edwards!" The other men gathered round me in the corner, drinking,
while I scrunched down so that the orderly passed on and out still
shouting my name.

I fled to the tent and was hastily getting my things together when a
corporal came hot-foot saying that the officer wanted me at once. I
went in, gave him my very best regimental salute and stood at
attention.

"I find that you are not on the strength, corporal, and are not
entitled to any money, so I'll trouble you to return that money I gave
you."

"I'm sorry, sir," I said sadly, "but it's gone."

"Gone? How?"

"Debts, sir," I said firmly. "My mates have been keeping me going."

"Well, you must get it back from them at once and return it to me.
It's most irregular. Push on now and see that you're back here in an
hour's time with that money before those fellows spend it all in the
canteen."

"Very good, sir." I gave him a smashing good _Augen Rechts