ing
such remarks as prompted them to hand the money to me instead of Mr.
Seabrook. It was my intention to save enough in such ways to take me to
California, where I felt confident, with the experience I had gained, I
should be able to make myself a competence. This plan I had nourished in
secret for more than a year, when I was tempted to do a very unwise
thing.

"I ought to say, perhaps, that with every year that had passed since my
arrival in Portland, the population had increased, and with this
increase there was a proportionate rise in the value of property.
Hearing business topics discussed almost every day at table, I could not
help being more or less infected with the spirit of speculation; and it
often almost drove me wild to think how profitably I might have invested
my earnings could I have gained possession of them for myself.

"Having an opportunity one day to speak on the subject to a gentleman in
whose honor I placed great confidence, I mentioned that I was tempted to
buy some property, but that my means were so limited I feared I could
not do so. He immediately said that he would sell me a certain very good
piece of land in the best business locality, on the installment plan,
and at a bargain, so that when it was paid up I could immediately sell
again at an advance. Thinking this would accelerate the carrying out of
my scheme of fleeing from my master, to a land of freedom, I eagerly
accepted the proposition, and paid down all the money I had, taking a
bond for a deed. The transaction was to be kept a secret between us, and
he was to assist me in selling when it came the proper time, by deeding
direct to my purchaser. I felt almost light-hearted in view of the fact
that I should be able, after all, to achieve a kind of independence in
the course of time."

"It seems to me," I said, "that I should have grown reckless before
this, and have done something of a desperate nature--committed suicide,
for instance. Did the thought never occur to you to end your bondage in
that way?"

"My desperation never took that form, because I had my child to take
care of. If I killed myself, I should have to kill him, too. But many
and many a night I have felt it so impossible to be alive in the
morning, and go right on in my miserable round of life, worn out in mind
and body, with Benton always ailing--often very ill, that I have
prepared both myself and him for burial, and laid down praying God to
take us both before