that for him to tell us so [officially] would be
putting the cart before the horse. These are his words."

On March 18: "It is customary here, before giving dispensation of
vows to religious, to require them to show their admission into a
diocese. As this was not required in our case, we are consequently at
liberty now to choose any bishop we please who will receive us.
'Choose your bishop, inform him of your intentions, and if he
approves, arrange your conditions with him.' These are the cardinal's
words, and both he and Archbishop Bedini suggested New York. . . . My
trip to Loretto has come to naught, as I can find no one to accompany
me, and then my health, I fear, will not bear so much fatigue, I
shall come back with some gray hairs; I thought to pull them all out
before my return, but on looking this morning with that intention I
found them _too many._ However, that is only on the outside; within
all is right--young, fresh, and full of courage, and ready to fight
the good fight."

The following is a memorandum of his second audience with Pius IX.:

"Yesterday, the 16th of March, the Pope accorded me an audience, and
on my entering his room he repeated my name, gave me his blessing,
and after I had kissed his ring he told me to rise, and said: 'At
length your affairs are determined. We have many causes to decide,
and each must have its turn; yours came finally, and now you have our
decision.' 'True,' I replied, 'and your decision gives me great
satisfaction, and it appears to me that it should be satisfactory to
all concerned.' 'I found you,' he rejoined, 'like Abraham and Lot,
and (making a motion with his hand) I told one to take this, the
other that direction.' 'For my part,' I said, 'I look upon the
decision as providential, as I sought no personal triumph over the
General, but entertain every sentiment of charity towards him, and
every one of my former religious brethren.' This remark appeared to
move the Pope, and I continued: 'I thought of your Holiness' decision
in the holy Mass of this morning, when in the Gospel our Lord reminds
us not to decide according to the appearances of things, but render a
just judgment; and such is the one you have given, and for our part
we trust that you will receive in the future consolation and joy
[from our conduct].' 'As you petitioned,' he said, 'with the other
Fathers as one of the Congregation, in giving you dispensation I
considered you a member of the Congregation.'