re painful perhaps than this state of drought which
is toughening me to horniness. Still on close examination, though the
symptoms have changed, the evil persists; softness or dryness, the
results are identical.

"At the same time it seems strange that this spiritual anaemia should now
exhibit such opposite symptoms. On one hand I am conscious of weariness,
indifference, and torpor in prayer; it seems to me, bitter, vain, and
hollow, so badly do I pray; I am inclined to let everything go, to cease
the attempt, to wait for a glow of fervour which I cannot hope for; on
the other hand, I am at the same time conscious of a persistent and
obstinate yearning, an invisible touch, a craving for prayer, a
constant invitation from God keeping me alert. And there are times, too,
when, though I can prove to myself that I am not stirring, I fancy I am
trembling and shall be swept away by a tide.

"That is very much of what I feel. In this frame of mind, half
stay-at-home, half gipsy-like, if I take up a book of the higher
mysticism--Saint Theresa or Saint Angela--that subtle touch gains
definiteness, I am aware of shocks running through me; I fancy that my
soul is convalescent, that it is young again, and breathes once more;
but if I try to take advantage of this lucid moment to collect myself
and to pray, it is all over--I flee from myself--nothing will work. What
misery, and how pitiable!

"The Abbe Gevresin has guided me so far, but how?

"He has trusted chiefly to the method of expectancy, restricting himself
to combating my generally flaccid state, and invigorating me rather than
contending with details. He has prescribed the heroic remedies of the
soul, desiring me to communicate when he found me weak. But, if I am not
mistaken, he is now turning his batteries. Either he is giving up a line
of attack which has failed, or else, on the contrary, he is improving
it, his treatment having produced, without my being aware of it, the
effects he was aiming at; in either case, to promote or complete the
cure, he wants to send me to a convent.

"The plan seems to be, indeed, part of his system, for he did the same
thing when he was helping in my conversion. He sent me off to a health
resort for the soul--and the waters were powerful indeed and terrible;
now he thinks I no longer need have so severe a treatment inflicted on
me, and he is persuading me to stay in a more restful place, a less
bracing air--is that it?

"Even his way