himself
that he alone was the favorite among the ladies for his handsome form
and features. As the wine had gone around freely, the discussion grew
heated, and upon the suggestion of the Gorilla it was left to their
host to decide between them.

In vain did Mr. Saddlerock (for that was the host's name) insist that
the point was too delicate for so humble an individual as himself to
presume to pass upon.

"Nay," said all three in concert, "tell us honestly what you think."

"But I may offend you," urged the bivalve.

"Oh, that were impossible," smiled the Turtle.

"Quite so," grunted the Hippopotamus.

"My dear friend," added the Gorilla with a leer, "as for myself, I am
so confident of being considered an Apollo that I wish for nothing so
much as your candid opinion."

"Well, gentlemen," replied Mr. Saddlerock, "since you all urge me
to disclose my real sentiments, I will do so. So far from being
good-looking, egad! it's hard telling which of you has the ugliest
countenance! In fact, you'd better draw lots for it."

No sooner had this remark fallen from his lips than he saw his
mistake. He ran to the window, jumped out and vainly attempted to
climb a tall sycamore in the garden. The Gorilla, seizing him with
a clutch like that of a vice, dragged him ignominiously back to the
dining-hall. Here the unhappy Mr. Saddlerock was opened, and the
wicked Gorilla swallowed his body in a twinkle, flinging thereafter a
shell to each of the other competitors.

_Moral_: When the powerful quarrel, don't let yourself become mixed up
with them or you may get hurt.

THE SANGUINARY DUEL. Two men fought a duel. Let us distinguish them
by the names of A and B respectively. It was a real, _bona-fide_,
powder-and-ball affair. A meant business: so did B.

It was a terrible encounter.

A had all the vocal part of his jaw shot off, and several useful
portions of his epiglottis carried away. Totally unfitted for his
business as auctioneer, he died some years after of dyspepsia of the
brain.

B parted company with his left arm, so he was compelled to pass
himself off as a disabled hero of the rebellion and accept a snug
little office in the United States custom-house, where there was
nothing whatever to do.

That is all.

The dispute grew out of something A had said about B. B said A said
that B said something, and B said he hadn't said it.

_Moral_: Don't duel.

THE DOG AND THE SPARE-RIB. A mastiff crossing a bridge, a