to such a scene. It needs the movies.

Those of us then who dry our sponges in this way--and I am a fervent
devotee--owe the inventor a meed of praise. And equally those of us who put
into our hot water bottles at night hot tea instead of hot water (as I
never have done and never mean to do), so that, waking in the small hours,
we may yet not be without refreshment, owe a meed of praise to the same
inspired innovator, for, if the chroniclers are correct, it was Mrs.
GLADSTONE'S habit to retire to rest with a bottle thus nutritiously filled,
which would be ready for her great man on his return from the House weary
and athirst.

Here we see the difference between Liberal Premiers. For what has Mr.
ASQUITH done towards the solution of domestic problems? Who can name a
thing? Has he devised a collar stud that cannot be lost? Has he hit upon a
way instantly to stop a shaving cut from bleeding? Has he contrived a taxi
window that will open when shut or shut when open? No. In all these years
he has spared no time for any inventions.

No wonder then that he was found wanting and forced to resign.

* * * * *

A Scot among the Cynics.

"The railway fares are being raised, we are told, to stop pleasure
travelling, but it can hardly be imagined that a munition worker going
home to spend his week-end with his family is bent on pleasure."--
_Glasgow Evening News_.

* * * * *

"Beautiful set of civic cat; very large stole and muff; accept
L12."--_The Lady_.

As DICK WHITTINGTON'S mascot is the only civic cat known to history we
think the relic should be secured for the Guildhall Museum.

* * * * *

"Simply as a citizen and as a non-party man, I want to say that Mr.
Asquith has my affection and respect--and that is the highest guerdon
that any statesman can have."--_Extract from Letter in Yorkshire
Paper_.

We know now why Mr. ASQUITH refused a peerage. He did not want to vex his
modest admirer.

* * * * *

"At Caxton Hall the conference was resumed of municipal authorities
interested in the conversation of old fruit, sardine and salmon
tins."--_Birmingham Daily Mail_.

We ourselves always listen with pleasure to their talk. It has at once a
fruity and a fishy flavour.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Gentleman_