dressed up in
satin and diamonds and trailed 'round to theatres and operas and hung
over dry goods counters, and kep' her maid and coachman and butler, or
that's what folks say, I don't even know what a butler is expected to
do, or Josiah don't. "Butler," sez I when I hearn on't, "I can't imagine
what a butler duz."

And Josiah sez, "A coachman is to coach, and a waiter is to wait, and a
butler must be to buttle."

Sez I, "Buttle what? Or who? Or when?" But he couldn't tell. Well, Sam
he did everything to git into the first and be fashionable, he embezzled
a lot, broke down two or three times with enormous profit to himself,
spent his money like water, wuz jest as mean as he could be, went over
to Europe now and then, did everything he could do to be fashionable and
act like a man of the world, and finally he led astray a little girl
that lived with 'em, a motherless little girl they had took, pretty as a
pink too, and affectionate dispositioned. Jane Olive turned her
outdoors, of course, when she found it out. It wuz in the fall of the
year, and the night before Christmas the girl with her baby in her arms
jumped into the river and wuz drownded.

Her father had some spunk and took Sam up, but he wuz always sly and
looked ahead, and he proved that she wuz a day or two older than the age
of consent, and he got let off triumphant and her father had to pay the
cost, besides the funeral expenses, and grave stun.

Such smartness riz Sam up considerable amongst his mates and he wuz sent
to Congress most immegiately afterwards, and it wuz owin' to his
powerful arguments that the age of consent wuz lowered a year or two; I
believe he brought it down to about ten years. He wuz thought a sight on
by his genteel male friends, so they say, he worked so powerful for
their interest. He brought down the licenses on saloons and bad housen a
sight, and made almost Herculanean efforts to have saloons scattered
broadcast through the country without _any_ license to pay. I spoze
there never wuz a more popular statesman. He worked too hard though, and
had to retire to more private life to reap the fruits of his efforts.
And he kep' right on, so they say reapin' 'em ever since, cuttin' up and
actin', but always actin' jest inside the law and always cuttin' up the
same.

He had the gift of gab and he made eloquent public speeches, tellin'
what boons saloons and kindred places wuz to the community. I spoze
there never wuz a more popular