land, but for a
century it has been decreed that it shall bear the name of insula. It is
the only insula in the whole universe. Have you a passport?"

"Here it is."

"Go and get it signed at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs."

A lame guide who conducted me came to a pause in a vast square.

"The insula," said he, "has given birth, as you know, to Trinco, the
greatest genius of the universe, whose statue you see before you. That
obelisk standing to your right commemorates Trinco's birth; the column
that rises to your left has Trinco crowned with a diadem upon its
summit. You see here the triumphal arch dedicated to the glory of Trinco
and his family."

"What extraordinary feat has Trinco performed?" I asked.

"War."

"That is nothing extraordinary. We Malayans make war constantly."

"That may be, but Trinco is the greatest warrior of all countries and
all times. There never existed a greater conqueror than he. As you
anchored in our port you saw to the east a volcanic island called
Ampelophoria, shaped like a cone, and of small size, but renowned for
its wines. And to the west a larger island which raises to the sky a
long range of sharp teeth; for this reason it is called the Dog's Jaws.
It is rich in copper mines. We possessed both before Trinco's reign
and they were the boundaries of our empire. Trinco extended the Penguin
dominion over the Archipelago of the Turquoises and the Green Continent,
subdued the gloomy Porpoises, and planted his flag amid the icebergs
of the Pole and on the burning sands of the African deserts. He raised
troops in all the countries he conquered, and when his armies marched
past in the wake of our own light infantry, our island grenadiers, our
hussars, our dragoons, our artillery, and our engineers there were to be
seen yellow soldiers looking in their blue armour like crayfish standing
on their tails; red men with parrots' plumes, tattooed with solar and
Phallic emblems, and with quivers of poisoned arrows resounding on
their backs; naked blacks armed only with their teeth and nails; pygmies
riding on cranes; gorillas carrying trunks of trees and led by an old
ape who wore upon his hairy breast the cross of the Legion of Honour.
And all those troops, led to Trinco's banner by the most ardent
patriotism, flew on from victory to victory, and in thirty years of war
Trinco conquered half the known world."

"What!" cried I, "you possess half of the world."

"Trinco conquered it for us