How many?"

Bemis: "One, please."

Mrs. Somers, handing it to him: "I'm so glad you take your tea _au
naturel_, as I call it."

Campbell: "What do you call it when they don't take it with cream and
sugar?"

Mrs. Somers: "_Au unnaturel._ There's only one thing worse: taking it
with a slice of lemon in it. You might as well draw it from a bothersome
samovar at once, and be done with it."

Campbell: "The samovar is picturesque."

Mrs. Somers: "It is insincere. Like Californians. Natives."

Campbell: "Well, I can think of something much worse than tea with lemon
in it."

Mrs. Somers: "What?"

Campbell: "No tea at all."

Mrs. Somers, recollecting herself: "Oh, _poor_ Mr. Campbell! Two
lumps?"

Campbell: "One, thank you. Your pity is so sweet!"

Mrs. Somers: "You ought to have thought of the milk of human kindness,
and spared my cream-jug too."

Campbell: "You didn't pour out your compassion soon enough."

Bemis, who has been sipping his tea in silent admiration: "Are you often
able to keep it up in that way? I was fancying myself at the theatre."

Mrs. Somers: "Oh, _don't_ encore us! Mr. Campbell would keep saying his
things over indefinitely."

Campbell, presenting his cup: "Another lump. It's turned bitter. _Two!_"

Bemis: "Ha, ha, ha! Very good--very good indeed!"

Campbell: "Thank you kindly, Mr. Bemis."

Mrs. Somers, greeting the new arrivals, and leaning forward to shake
hands with them as they come up, without rising: "Mrs. Roberts! How very
good of you! And Mr. Roberts!"

III

_MR. and MRS. ROBERTS and the OTHERS_

Roberts: "Not at all."

Mrs. Roberts: "Of course we were coming."

Mrs. Somers: "Will you have some tea? You see I'm installed already. Mr.
Campbell was so greedy he wouldn't wait."

Campbell: "Mr. Bemis and I are here in the character of heroes, and we
had to have our tea at once. You're a hero too, Roberts, though you
don't look it. Any one who comes to tea in such weather is a hero, or
a--"

Mrs. Somers, interrupting him with a little shriek: "Ugh! How hot that
handle's getting!"

Campbell: "Ah, I dare say. Let me turn out my sister's cup." Pouring out
the tea and handing it to Mrs. Roberts. "I don't see how you could
reconcile it to your No. Eleven conscience to leave your children in
such a snow-storm as this, Agnes."

Mrs. Roberts, in vague alarm: "Why, what in the world could happen to
them, Willis?"

Campbell: "Oh, nothing to _them_. But suppose Robe