bines" soon, will you?
it'll be a rest for you, and I want you to see some of that 'Umpage's
goings on at the church.' (Uncle Solomon not unfrequently dropped an
'h,' but with a deliberation that seemed to say that he was quite
aware it was there, but did not consider it advisable to recognise it
just then.) 'He's quite got round the Vicar; made him have flowers and
a great brass cross and candles on the Communion table, and 'Umpage
all the time a feller with no more religion inside him than'--here he
looked round the table for a comparison--'ah, than that jug has! He's
talked the Vicar into getting them little bags for collections now,
all because he was jealous at the clerk's putting the plate inside my
pew reg'lar for _me_ to hold. It isn't that I care about 'olding a
plate, but to see 'Umpage smirking round with one of them red velvet
bags makes me downright sick--they'll drive me to go over and be a
Baptist one of these fine days.'

'You don't like Mr. Humpage, do you, uncle?' said Trixie.

''Umpage and me are not friendly--though contiguous,' said he; 'but as
for liking, I neither like nor dislike the man; we 'old no
intercourse, beyond looking the other way in church and 'aving words
across the fence when his fowls break through into my garden--he won't
have the hole seen to, so I shall get it done myself and send the bill
in to him--that's what _I_ shall do.--A letter for you, Matthew? read
away, don't mind me,' for the maid had come in meanwhile with a
letter, which Matthew Ashburn opened and began to read at this
permission.

Presently he rubbed his forehead perplexedly: 'I can't make head or
tail of it,' he said feebly; 'I don't know who they are, or what they
write all this to _me_ for!'

''And it over to me, Matthew; let's see if _I_ can make it any plainer
for you,' said his brother-in-law, persuaded that to his powerful mind
few things could long remain a mystery.

He took the letter, solemnly settled his double eyeglasses well down
on his broad nose, coughed importantly, and began to read: 'Dear Sir,'
he began in a tone of expounding wisdom--'well, that's straightforward
enough--Dear Sir, we have given our best consideration to the--hey!'
(here his face began to grow less confident) 'the sweet--what?--ah,
sweet bells, sweet bells jangled. What have you been jangling _your_
bells about, eh, Matthew?'

'I think they're mad,' said poor Mr. Ashburn; 'the bells in this house
are all right, I think, my