RRY, SIR. NAUGHTY LITTLE DAPHNE!
AFTER ALL MY EFFORTS TO MAKE WEDNESDAY YOUR MEATLESS DAY."]

* * * * *

DOMESTIC STRATEGY.

_Mr. Meanly._ My dear, I see that _The People's Adviser_ is inviting its
readers to send details of their individual food reforms for publication.
_Pour encourager les autres._ Just tell me what our rules are.

_Mrs. Meanly._ Certainly, dear. We have meat only on two days a week;
potatoes only on two days a week (_and so on_).

_Mr. Meanly._ Good. I will write a letter. And then the day after it
appears in print you might send out invitations to dinner. There are a lot
of arrears to make up and we'll clear them off now. Say a series of three
parties.

_Mrs. Meanly._ But, dear, ought we to do it in war-time?

_Mr. Meanly._ After the publication of our system of meals, it will be
quite safe to send the invitations, my love.

* * * * *

A CURRENT EVENT.

Years ago Mr. Punch, in a moment of inspiration (I wrote the article
myself), suggested that some benevolent American millionaire might alter
the course of the Gulf Stream so that it flowed right round these islands.
In the eye of imagination he saw date palms bordering the Strand, costers
sitting under their own banana trees, and stately cavalcades of camels
bearing wearied City men to Balham or Putney. (Unhappily he could not look
so far into the future as to forecast the allotment holders returning home
laden with sugar-canes).

Now a writer in _The Times_ suggests that the chill of the present season
is due to the effect of the Panama Canal on the Gulf Stream. This is an
insidious attempt to make bad blood between ourselves and our new allies.
We could only feel the bitterest hostility towards anyone in any way
responsible for the present season. Why, this spring has spread such
devastation through the land that writers of nature notes have been unable
to pay their plumbers' bills.

But while we repudiate the implication of American responsibility we think
it well to be absolutely on the safe side; so we suggest that it would be a
friendly act, and consonant with the new spirit of alliance, if she would
kindly keep the Panama Canal plugged for the next few weeks. One would like
to make sure of hearing the cuckoo in Victory Year.

* * * * *

"Only ninety-two pigs came to Vienna's Easter market, of which ninety-
four were allotted t