ofut, that's flat.

Well, honies, I'll give ye a hint,
And let ivery one do it who can;
When the bag of thirteens is all spint,
Set up for a Parliament man.
Thim's the boys that gets lashins of drinkin',
And they dine wanst a week wid the Queen,
Where the glasses are niver done clinkin',
Wid the Royalties jokin' and spreein',
Jubileein',
And such doins as niver was seen.

* * * * *

A COMPLAINT AND SIMPLE REMEDY.--

Among the Requests in our ecclesiastical contemporary,
_The Guardian_, recently appeared one asking for an
effectual way of "_exterminating dry rot, and preventing
its re-appearance in a church_." Why doesn't the
reverend inquirer try somebody else's Sermons? Or have
no Sermons at all?

* * * * *

NOTHING more delights our old friend than to get hold of
a real good word, and use it with effect. "I wish I knew
what is going to win the Derby this year," observed her
Niece. "Ah, my dear," replied her Aunt, "I might be able
to tell you if I were a Vaccinator."

* * * * *

BEST DAY IN THE WEEK FOR MAKING A PROPOSAL OF
MARRIAGE.--In London, Monday is the most appropriate, as
being dedicated to the "Monday Pops."

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mr. Moriarty._ "LOOK HERE, ADA, HOW MUCH
LONGER, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, ARE YE GOIN' TO BE DRESSIN'
YOURSELF?"

_Voice from the Heights._ "ONLY TEN MINUTES, DEAR!"

_Mr. Moriarty._ "WELL, ALL I CAN SAY IS, IF I'VE GOT TO
WAIT HERE TEN MINUTES, I'LL--I'LL BE OFF THIS BLESSED
MOMENT!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: "SCENES IN THE LOBBY."

DESIGN FOR OUR OWN HISTORICAL PAINTER.]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, March 6._--"The SPEAKER took the Chair at
three o'clock." That is an extract from the _Journals of the House_, a
fascinating literary work, ably edited by Mr. PALGRAVE with the
assistance of Mr. MILMAN, much in favour at MUDIE'S. Last time I saw
SPEAKER rise from Chair was Banquet at Mansion House given by way of
farewell to M. WADDINGTON. Very remarkable scene it was. In ordinary
times SPEAKER of House of Commons is personally unknown to outside
public. He t