d to have been
_fished_ with the kitchen poker--"If I might venture to offer you
advice," continued he, leading me paternally by the arm a little on one
side, "it would be, not again to attempt a defence of smuggling: I
consider, sir, that as an officer in his Majesty's service, you have
strangely committed yourself."

"It is not my defence, sir: they are the arguments of a smuggler."

"You wrote the book, sir," replied he, sharply; "I can assure you, that
I should not be surprised if the Admiralty took notice of it."

"Indeed, sir," replied I, with assumed alarm.

I received no answer, except a most significant nod of the head, as he
walked away.

But I have not yet arrived at the climax, which made me inclined to
exclaim with the expiring Lion in the fable--

A midshipman--yes, reader, a midshipman--who had formerly belonged to my
ship, and had trembled at my frown, ranged up alongside of me, and with
a supercilious air, observed--

"I have read your book, and--there are _one_ or _two_ good things in
it."

Hear this, admirals and captains on half-pay! hear this, port-admirals
and captains afloat! I have often heard that the service was
deteriorating, going to the devil, but I never became a convert to the
opinion before.

Gracious Heaven! what a revengeful feeling is there in the exclamation
"O that mine adversary had _written a book_!" To be snarled at, and
bow-wowed at, in this manner, by those who find fault, because their
intellect is not sufficient to enable them to appreciate! Authors, take
my resolution; which is, never to show your face until your work has
passed through the ordeal of the Reviews.--Keep your room for the month
after your literary labour. Reviews are like Jesuit father confessors--
guiding the opinions of the multitude, who blindly follow the
suggestions of those to whom they may have entrusted their literary
consciences. If your work is denounced and damned, still you will be
the gainer; for is it not better to be released at once from your
sufferings, by one blow from the paw of a tiger, than to be worried
piecemeal by creatures who have all the will, but not the power, to
inflict the _coup de grace_?

The author of "Cloudesley," enumerating the qualifications necessary to
a writer of fiction, observes, "When he introduces his ideal personage
to the public, he enters upon his task with a preconception of the
qualities that belong to this being, the principle of his actions,