and 'e got the wrong trousers back. 'E discovered that one
day when 'e was goin' to send the R.A.M.C. orderly out for beer for
all 'ands.

"'Twas a 'ungry place X. We were eight days in bed and all we got was
milk and once or twice a hegg. Damned little heggs they were; (p. 276)
they must 'ave been laid by tomtits in a 'urry. I got into trouble
once; I climbed up the tent-pole one night just to 'ave a song on my
own, and when I was on the top down comes the whole thing and I landed
on Ted Vittle's bread basket. 'Is tempratoor was up to a 'undred and
one point five next mornin'. The doctor didn't 'arf give me a look
when 'e 'eard about me bein' up the pole."

"Was he a nice fellow, the doctor?" I asked.

"Not 'arf, 'e wasn't," said Bill. "When I got into my old uniform 'e
looked 'ard at my cap. You remember it boys; 'twas more like a
ragman's than a soldier of the King's. Then 'e arst me: ''Ave yer seen
much war?' 'Not 'arf, I 'avent,' I told him. 'I thought so,' 'e said,
'judgin' by yer cap.' And 'e told the orderly to indent me for a brand
new uniform. And 'e gave me two francs to get a drink when I was
leavin'."

"Soft-hearted fellow," said Goliath.

"Was he!" remarked Bill. "Yer should be there when 'e came in one
mornin'."

"'Ow d'ye feel?" he asked Ted Vittle.

"Not fit at all, sir," says Ted.

"Well carry on," said the doctor.

I looked at Ted, Ted looked at me and 'e tipped me the wink. (p. 277)

"'Ow d'ye feel," said the doctor to me.

"Not fit at all," I answers.

"Back to duties," 'e said and my jaw dropped with a click like a rifle
bolt. 'Twas ten minutes after that when 'e gave me the two francs."

"I saw Spud 'Iggles, 'im that was wounded at Givenchy;" Bill informed
us after he had lit a fresh cigarette.

"'Ole Spud!"

"'Ows Spud?"

"Not so bad, yer know," said Bill, answering our last question. "'E's
got a job."

"A good one?" I queried.

"Not 'arf," Bill said. "'E goes round with the motor car that goes to
places where soldiers are billeted and gathers up all the ammunition,
bully beef tins, tins of biscuits and everything worth anything that's
left behind--"

"Bill Teake. Is Bill Teake there?" asked a corporal at the door of the
dug-out.

"I'm 'ere, old Sawbones," said Bill, "wot d'ye want me for?"

"It's your turn on sentry," said the corporal.

"Oh! blimey, that's done it!" grumbled Bill. "I feel my tempratoor (p. 278)
goin' up again. It's always some damn fati