judge out of Ballymoy failed. I frankly admit that. It failed
because the judge turns out to be a pig-headed and obstinate man, who
doesn't know what's good for him. I told him distinctly that if he
came to Doyle's hotel he'd get typhoid fever and die. O'Donoghue
backed me up. But we didn't produce the slightest effect on the judge.
His attitude reminded me of that saying of Napoleon's about Englishmen
being such fools that they don't know when they are beaten. This
wretched judge thinks he can defy disease germs, which of course he
can't."

"The fact being," said the Major, "that he recognised at a glance the
kind of man you are, and knew that he needn't believe a word you said.
I rather respect the judge."

"You like to put it that way," said Meldon; "but as a matter of fact it
was I who recognised the sort of man he is. I see now--I saw before I
had been a quarter of an hour in his company--that there is absolutely
no use making any further appeal to his intellect. If I'd known that
he was such a thorough Englishman as he turns out to be, I shouldn't
have wasted my time in trying to reason with him. I should have gone
straight to the only part of him which an Englishman really dislikes
having touched--his stomach."

"Look here, J. J.," said the Major, "I don't mind your scoffing at
Englishmen now and then. I know you don't really mean it, but you
oughtn't to go too far. Remember I'm an Englishman myself by descent,
and I have some feelings. Try not to be offensive. I'm not always
saying nasty things about Irishmen to you."

"No," said Meldon; "your insults are more directly personal. A minute
ago you called me a liar, which is much worse than anything I said
about Englishmen. Besides which it isn't true, whereas what I'm saying
about the English is an absolute fact. Take yourself, for example.
What was it that upset your temper just now in the study? Was it an
overwhelming love for the abstract quality of punctuality? I should
have some respect for you if I thought it was, but I can't think that.
Nobody who knows you could. You wouldn't care a pin if everybody in
the world was late for every engagement they made for a whole year.
What you do care about is your own miserable stomach. If it isn't
filled at just exactly the usual moment you get savage, although you
are usually a fairly good-tempered man. That demonstrates the truth of
what I say. And if it's truth about you after all the years