s
possible for a boy whose power of expression is still unformed I opened
the secret of my thoughts to him, and he in return allowed me a glimpse
into his mind and heart; the first glimpse of an inexhaustible and noble
treasure of clear thought and warm feeling, which through life was to
be mine to draw upon with a never-deceived love and confidence.
Practically, after several exhaustive conversations, he concluded that
he would not have me later on reproach him for having spoiled my life
by an unconditional opposition. But I must take time for serious
reflection. And I must think not only of myself but of others; weigh the
claims of affection and conscience against my own sincerity of purpose.
"Think well what it all means in the larger issues--my boy," he exhorted
me, finally, with special friendliness. "And meantime try to get the
best place you can at the yearly examinations."

The scholastic year came to an end. I took a fairly good place at
the exams, which for me (for certain reasons) happened to be a more
difficult task than for other boys. In that respect I could enter with
a good conscience upon that holiday which was like a long visit _pour
prendre conge_ of the mainland of old Europe I was to see so little of
for the next four-and-twenty years. Such, however, was not the avowed
purpose of that tour. It was rather, I suspect, planned in order to
distract and occupy my thoughts in other directions. Nothing had been
said for months of my going to sea. But my attachment to my young tutor
and his influence over me were so well known that he must have received
a confidential mission to talk me out of my romantic folly. It was an
excellently appropriate arrangement, as neither he nor I had ever had a
single glimpse of the sea in our lives. That was to come by and by for
both of us in Venice, from the outer shore of Lido. Meantime he had
taken his mission to heart so well that I began to feel crushed before
we reached Zurich. He argued in railway trains, in lake steamboats, he
had argued away for me the obligatory sunrise on the Righi, by Jove! Of
his devotion to his unworthy pupil there can be no doubt. He had proved
it already by two years of unremitting and arduous care. I could not
hate him. But he had been crushing me slowly, and when he started to
argue on the top of the Furca Pass he was perhaps nearer a success
than either he or I imagined. I listened to him in despairing silence,
feeling that ghostly, unrea