That was a
sign to me at that moment. It's for the babe I'm going. Because we are all
responsible for all. For all the 'babes,' for there are big children as
well as little children. All are 'babes.' I go for all, because some one
must go for all. I didn't kill father, but I've got to go. I accept it.
It's all come to me here, here, within these peeling walls. There are
numbers of them there, hundreds of them underground, with hammers in their
hands. Oh, yes, we shall be in chains and there will be no freedom, but
then, in our great sorrow, we shall rise again to joy, without which man
cannot live nor God exist, for God gives joy: it's His privilege--a grand
one. Ah, man should be dissolved in prayer! What should I be underground
there without God? Rakitin's laughing! If they drive God from the earth,
we shall shelter Him underground. One cannot exist in prison without God;
it's even more impossible than out of prison. And then we men underground
will sing from the bowels of the earth a glorious hymn to God, with Whom
is joy. Hail to God and His joy! I love Him!"

Mitya was almost gasping for breath as he uttered his wild speech. He
turned pale, his lips quivered, and tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Yes, life is full, there is life even underground," he began again. "You
wouldn't believe, Alexey, how I want to live now, what a thirst for
existence and consciousness has sprung up in me within these peeling
walls. Rakitin doesn't understand that; all he cares about is building a
house and letting flats. But I've been longing for you. And what is
suffering? I am not afraid of it, even if it were beyond reckoning. I am
not afraid of it now. I was afraid of it before. Do you know, perhaps I
won't answer at the trial at all.... And I seem to have such strength in
me now, that I think I could stand anything, any suffering, only to be
able to say and to repeat to myself every moment, 'I exist.' In thousands
of agonies--I exist. I'm tormented on the rack--but I exist! Though I sit
alone on a pillar--I exist! I see the sun, and if I don't see the sun, I
know it's there. And there's a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun
is there. Alyosha, my angel, all these philosophies are the death of me.
Damn them! Brother Ivan--"

"What of brother Ivan?" interrupted Alyosha, but Mitya did not hear.

"You see, I never had any of these doubts before, but it was all hidden
away in me. It was perhaps just because ideas I did not unders