h. MELBA as _Marguerite_. First week augurs
well for the season.

* * * * *

[Illustration: DELIGHTFUL!

_Smithson, having read and heard much of the pleasures of a Driving
Tour, determines to indulge in that luxury during his Whitsuntide
Holidays. He therefore engages a Trap, with a Horse that can "get over
the ground," and securing the services of an experienced Driver, he
sets forth._

_Smithson._ "A--A--ISN'T HE--A--A--HADN'T I BETTER HELP YOU TO PULL AT
HIM?" _Driver._ "PULL AT 'IM? WHY YER'D SET 'IM CRAZED! JIST YOU LET
ME KEEP 'IS 'EAD STRAIGHT. LOR BLESS YER, THERE AIN'T NO CAUSE TO BE
AFFEARED, AS LONG AS WE DON'T MEET NOTHING, AND THE GATES AIN'T SHUT
AT SPLINTERBONE CROSSING, JIST ROUND THE BEND!"]

* * * * *

THE LITIGANTS VADE MECUM.

_Q._ What is your opinion about Chancery?

_A._ That, thanks to work being given to Solicitors in preference to
Barristers, litigation is more expensive in that branch of the science
than in any other.

_Q._ How comes it that this should be so?

_A._ A Barrister is forced to do his best for his client, but a
Solicitor is not. As a rule the Solicitor deputes to his Chief Clerk
if he has one, or somebody in the office if he has not, the duties of
conducting a suit through Chambers.

_Q._ What is the practical result of this arrangement?

_A._ That a suit when it once gets into Chambers takes a precious long
time in coming out.

_Q._ But making allowance for these little drawbacks, what is your
opinion of the Law in England?

_A._ That emphatically it consists of the best forensic regulations in
the universe.

* * * * *

A NEW CLAUSE IN THE HOME-RULE BILL.--Instead of a Parliament in
Dublin, let the Governing Body be called "A Diet," as it is in
Bohemia. There would be a First House, to be called the "High Diet,"
and a Second House, to be called "Short Commons, or Low Diet." There
would be no "Parliamentary Rules," but everything would be ordered
according to a "Dietary." Perhaps Dr. ROBSON ROOSE might be induced
to take a leading part in suggesting some of these arrangements.
The "Orders of the Day" would be "Prescriptions," the Bills
"Dinner-Bills," or "_Menus_." A Chairman, not a Speaker, would
preside, and the subordinates--such as Clerks, Sergeant-at-Arms,
and Assistants--would be Stewards, Head Waiters, and other Waiters.
Prayers would be said by "The Ordinary