you, sir," said the host.

"Yes; those slippers will do," said the new guest.

"Draw near to the table, my friend," said Mr. Oldstone, "for I must
introduce you to the other members and guests here to-night."

"My friends," said the chairman, "this gentleman is Mr. Vandyke McGuilp,
an artist from Rome, great friend of my old chum Rustcoin, whom most of
you knew. Mr. McGuilp, this gentleman on my right is Mr. Hardcase, the
lawyer, who will be the first to relate a story to-night. On his right
is Dr. Bleedem, one of our celebrated physicians; next to him is Mr.
Cyanite, professor of geology, and then comes Mr. Blackdeed, one of our
eminent tragedians; next to him is Mr. Parnassus, a young poet of great
promise; after him is Mr. Crucible, analytical chemist, one of the
oldest members of our club; next to him, as guest to-night, is Captain
Toughyarn, commander of Her Majesty's good ship the _Dreadnought_; then,
next door neighbour to yourself is Mr. Jollytoast, celebrated low
comedian."

The new visitor bowed to each guest at the table with urbanity, and the
guests returned the salute cordially.

"Well, gentlemen," began the president, "what do you say to a bumper to
the health of our new guest?"

"Hear, hear!" cried the guests, unanimously.

Each filled up his glass from the punch-bowl, and our artist's health
was drunk with cheers, to which he responded in a short and modest
speech. (Applause.)

"And now, Mr. Hardcase," said the chairman, after the formalities were
gone through, "I think it was arranged that you should tell the first
story. I hope you have one ready. I am anxious for my young friend to
hear a specimen of our far-famed recitals. In this club," said Mr.
Oldstone, addressing the artist, "we always esteem those stories the
highest that are true, and especially if they are facts coming under the
experience of the relater. What sort of story may we expect from you
to-night, Mr. Hardcase?"

"The story I intended to start the club with to-night is one that I
myself took part in in my younger days, and which, although I never
related to any of the club before, I have been upon the point of
relating a hundred times, when I have been invariably interrupted by
someone else who had some other tale to relate. The story I have in
store for you this evening, gentlemen, I propose to entitle 'The Phantom
Flea.'"

"Ha, Bravo!" laughed the guests. "The Phantom Flea! Ha! ha! ha!"

"I assure you, gentlemen," said