to the King of the Belgians."--_Provincial Paper._

We really think the Government might have provided him with a torpedo-boat.

* * * * *

"The one thing which the Cabinet does not intend to do is to authorise
the proclamation of marital law. It would engage far too many troops."
--_Provincial Paper._

The Irish girls are _so_ attractive.

* * * * *

"A friend of mine bought from a bookseller who was also, oddly enough,
a bibliophile himself, a copy of Arnold's very rare book, _The Strayed
Revetter_, by A. He gave 6d. It is worth L5."--_Book Post._

Surely more than that!

* * * * *

"An Ipswichomnibus pushed its bonnet through the window of a millinery
shop."--_Daily Paper._

This intelligent animal (believed to be the female of the Brontosaurus) was
probably seeking a change of headgear.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Tripper._ "I'VE A BLOOMIN' GOOD MIND TO REPORT YOU FOR
PROFITEERING."

_Old Salt._ "WHAT YER TALKIN' ABOUT?"

_Tripper._ "WELL, THEM SHRIMPS I BOUGHT OFF YOU. ONE OF EM'S GOT ONLY ONE
EYE."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)

I rather wish that the publishers of _Invincible Minnie_ (HODDER AND
STOUGHTON) had not permitted themselves to print upon the wrapper either
their own comments or those of Miss ELISABETH SANXAY HOLDING, the author.
Because for my part, reading these, I formed the idea (entirely wrong) that
the book would be in some way pretentious and affected; whereas it is the
simple truth to call it the most mercilessly impersonal piece of fiction
that I think I ever read. There is far too much plot for me to give you any
but a suggestion of it. The story is of the lives of two sisters, _Frances_
and _Minnie_; mostly (as the title implies) of _Minnie_. To say that no one
but a woman would have dared to imagine such a heroine, much less to follow
her, through every phase of increasing hatefulness, to her horrid
conclusion is to state an obvious truism. It is incidentally also to give
you some idea of the kind of person _Minnie_ is, that female Moloch,
devastating, all-sacrificing, beyond restraint.... As for Miss HOLDING, the
publishers turned out to be within the mark in claiming for her "a new
voice." I don't, indeed, for the moment recall any voice