n be;
You'll always find me ready with a crushing repartee,
I've an irritating chuckle, I've a celebrated sneer,
I've an entertaining snigger, I've a fascinating leer.
To ev'rybody's prejudice I know a thing or two;
I can tell a woman's age in half a minute -- and I do.
But although I try to make myself as pleasant as I
can,
Yet ev'rybody says I'm such a disagreeable man!
And I can't think why!

Chorus: He can't think why!
He can't think why!

(Enter Hildebrand, Hilarion, Cyril and Florian)

Gama: So this is Castle Hildebrand? Well, well!
Dame Rumour whispered that the place was grand;
She told me that your taste was exquisite,
Superb, unparalleled!

Hildebnd: (Gratified) Oh, really, King!

Gama: But she's a liar! Why, how old you've grown!
Is this Hilarion? Why, you've changed too--
You were a singularly handsome child!
(To Florian) Are you a courtier? Come, then ply your trade,
Tell me some lies. How do you like your King?
Vile rumour says he's all but imbecile.
Now, that's not true?

Florian: My lord, we love our King.
His wise remarks are valued by his court
As precious stones.

Gama: And for the self-same cause.
Like precious stones, his sensible remarks
Derive their value from their scarcity!
Come now, be honest, tell the truth for once!
Tell it of me. Come, come, I'll harm you not.
This leg is crooked -- this foot is ill-designed--
This shoulder wears a hump! Come, out with it!
Look, here's my face! Now, am I not the worst
Of Nature's blunders?

Cyril: Nature never errs.
To those who know the workings of your mind,
Your face and figure, sir, suggest a book
Appropriately bound.

Gama: (Enraged) Why, harkye, sir,
How dare you bandy words with me?

Cyril: No need
To bandy aught that appertains to you.