PHILATUS.

TWO GLANCES FROM THE ELEVATED RAILROAD.

[Illustration: AT FIRST GLANCE OUR HEARTS ACHED TO SEE SUCH A SWEET
LITTLE GIRL SO TERRIBLY AFFLICTED; BUT]

[Illustration: A SECOND GLANCE REVEALED THE REAL OWNER OF THE FEET IN
THE PERSON OF THE FOND PAPA, WHO WAS THUS SECURING A FEW MOMENTS TO READ
HIS PAPER.]

A QUESTION.

WILLIE. "Don't the little Esquimau boys live on oil?"

MAMMA. "Yes, Willie."

WILLIE. "And do they always have a big lump of sugar after it for
dessert?"

"EARLY ENGLISH."

From wise professors, Brother Ned,
In the college town,
Was learning "early English."
My! how it made him frown!
While baby sister Annie
Cooed at home in glee,
In _purest_ early English--
'Twas as _easy_ as could be!

Some Irishmen are naturally stupid, but their mistakes are at times so
humorous as to provoke a laugh, which makes one forget the more serious
part of the error. Recently a son of Ireland went out rowing on a lake
at a famous summer resort. A stiff northwest wind came up, and not being
skilful with the oars, in a short time his boat shipped considerable
water.

A brilliant idea then seized him, and taking the butt end of the oar he
battered away at the planks in the bottom of the boat, finally knocking
a hole in them. Fortunately for him a steam-launch with a pleasure party
aboard came along and rescued him as his boat sank. Upon being asked why
on earth he drove a hole through the boat, he replied:

"An' phwat else would yez do? Sure the boat was half full of water, an'
so oi knocked a hole in the bottom to let it out; but, yez see, there
was so much more water in the lake that the little bit of a stream in my
boat had no chance to get out."

Some time ago I read a little anecdote of Longfellow which illustrated
his love for children. It seems that one little fellow in particular was
fond of spending his time in the great poet's library. One day, after a
long and patient perusal of the titles (to him great cumbersome works)
that lined the shelves, the little chap walked up to Longfellow, and
asked in a grieved sort of way, "Haven't you got a _Jack the Giant
Killer_?" Longfellow regretted to say that in all his immense library he
did not have a copy.

The little chap looked at him in a pitying way, and silently left the
room.

The next morning he walked in with a couple of pennies tightly clasped
in his chubby fist, and laying