us of
the bull's-eyes, the shining gun-barrels, and a running but still
carefully prepared commentary from the spokesman. "It is to be
regretted that business men, instead of intrusting their property to
the custody of the regularly constituted express agent, still continue
to secrete it on their persons; a custom that, without enhancing its
security, is not only an injustice to the express company, but a great
detriment to dispatch. We also wish to point out that while we do not
as a rule interfere with the possession of articles of ordinary
personal use or adornment, such as simple jewelry or watches, we
reserve our right to restrict by confiscation the vulgarity and
unmanliness of diamonds and enormous fob chains."

The act of spoliation was apparently complete, yet it was evident that
the orator was restraining himself for a more effective climax.
Clearing his throat again and stepping before the impatient but still
mystified file of passengers, he reviewed them gravely. Then in a
perfectly pitched tone of mingled pain and apology, he said slowly:--

"It would seem that, from no wish of our own, we are obliged on this
present occasion to suspend one or two of our usual rules. We are not
in the habit of interfering with the wearing apparel of our esteemed
clients; but in the interests of ordinary humanity we are obliged to
remove the boots of the gentleman on the extreme left, which evidently
give him great pain and impede his locomotion. We also seldom deviate
from our rule of obliging our clients to hold up their hands during
this examination; but we gladly make an exception in favor of the
gentleman next to him, and permit him to hand us the altogether too
heavily weighted holster which presses upon his hip. Gentlemen," said
the orator, slightly raising his voice, with a deprecating gesture,
"you need not be alarmed! The indignant movement of our friend, just
now, was not to draw his revolver,--for it isn't there!" He paused
while his companions speedily removed the farmer's boots and the
miner's holster, and with a still more apologetic air approached the
coach, where only the lady remained erect and rigid in her corner.
"And now," he said with simulated hesitation, "we come to the last and
to us the most painful suspension of our rules. On these very rare
occasions, when we have been honored with the presence of the fair sex,
it has been our invariable custom not only to leave them in the
undisturbed