less I consented to become the betrothed, she would summon
certain able-bodied athletic boarders to batter and kick my unprotected
person, and consequently, not being a Leviathan----

_The Judge._ No one has ever suggested that you are an animal of that
description, Sir. Have the goodness to keep to the point. (_Reads as he
writes._) "I was so intimidated by threats of plaintiff's mother that
she would have me severely kicked by third parties if I refused, that I
consented to become engaged to plaintiff." Is _that_ what you say?

_Jab._ (_beaming_). Your lordship's acute intellect has comprehended my
_pons asinorum_ with great intelligence.

_The Judge_ (_looking at him under his spectacles_). Umph! Well, go on.
What next?

[_So old ~JAB~ goes on gassing away, at such a deuce of a rate
that the Judge gives up all idea of taking notes, and sits
staring at ~JAB~ in resigned disgust._ (_It was spell-bound
attentiveness._--H. B. J.) _~JAB~ WILL spout and WON'T keep to
the point; but, all the same, I fancy, somehow, he's getting
round the Jury. He's such a jolly innocent kind of old ass,
and they like him because he's no end of sport. The
plaintiff's a devilish fine girl, and gave her evidence
uncommonly well; but, unless ~WITHERINGTON~ turns up again, I
believe old ~JAB~ will romp in a winner, after all! I haven't
taken down anything else, except his wind-up, when of course
he managed to get in a speech._

_Jab._ Believe me, gentlemen of the jury, this is simply the barefaced
attempt to bleed and mulct a poor impecunious Indian. For it is
incredible that any English female, of genteel upbringings and the
lovely and beauteous appearance which you have all beheld in this box,
it is incredible, I say, that she should seriously desire to become a
mere unconsidered unit in a bevy of Indian brides! How is she possibly
to endure a domestic existence exposed to the slings and arrows of a
perpetual gorilla warfare from various native aunts and sisters-in-law,
or how is she to reconcile her dainty and fastidious stomach, after the
luscious and appetising fare of a Bayswater boarding-house, to simple,
unostentatious, and frequently repulsive Indian eatables? No, Misters of
the jury, as warm-hearted noble-minded English gentlemen, you will never
condemn an unfortunate and industrious native graduate and barrister to
make a cripple of his career, and burden his