will come the crowning misdemeanor in men's
clothes which, for want of a better term let us call pants--a pair of
bags sewed together at the top, and designed for no other purpose than
to conceal from the world the character and quality of the wearer's
legs. When that beatific invention arrives your spindle-legged,
knock-kneed imitation of a man will, as far as the public eye is
concerned, find himself on as sure a footing as your very Adonis, and
a person with a comparatively under-developed understanding will be
able to make as good a showing in the world as the man who is really
all there. Like charity, these pants will cover a multitude of shins
that once exposed to the world would at once give warning of the
possessors' fundamental instability. In other words this new style of
dress that our fashionable leaders are now advocating is designed
simply for the purpose of concealing from the world their natural
defects, enabling them to appear for what they are not, and therefore
to deceive, the sure result of which is to be the fostering of vanity,
a love of display, the breeding of snobs, and an impairment of the
average man's purse to such an extent that some day or other tailors'
and dressmakers' bills will become an inevitable item in every
schedule in bankruptcy in the land. Clothes will also breed rags, for
without clothes to grow threadbare and frayed, it is clear that the
raw material of rags and tatters would be lacking, and many a scene of
beggary would be avoided.

"Wherefore, my son," the old man concluded, "let me warn you to set
your face sternly against these modern innovations, and to return to
the plainer, and yet more beautiful habiliments of your sires. Let the
sturdy oak be your tailor; when you need a vernal gown, seek the
spreading chestnut tree and from its upper branches pluck the clothing
that you need, and when drear winter comes upon the scene hie you to
the mountain top, and from the rich stock of Hemlock, Pine and Co.,
Tailors, By Special Appointment To Their Majesties, The Eternal Hills,
gather the sartorial blessings that there await you."

CHAPTER IV

GRANDMOTHER EVE

Very different in almost every imaginable respect from Adam was his
attractive lady, Madame Eve. Indeed, so radically different from each
other were this rather ill-assorted pair that it was always difficult
for us to believe that they were related even by marriage, and I
hesitate to say what I think would have