't tell Hettie
for any amount. You see, this un's a baby joke, an' it may be a tender
point with her, not havin' a baby, an', in fact, never havin' had one up
to date, although she's had two husbands in her day, an' resided with
each one a sufficient time."

"So it's a baby joke?" Allen said. "Well, that interests _me_."

"That's what it is," the old man said, dryly. "You'd enjoy it if you
knowed Alf. The gang at the store was eternally laughin' at 'im about
babies. They could shet 'im up tight by jest gettin' a nigger nurse-gal
to tote a lusty one back to his desk while he was at work. Once one of
the gang sent 'im a tin rattler by mail, an' they was all thar to see
'im open it. He took it all in good fun, too; he's one joker that kin
stand one on hisself. You may 'a' noticed that Hettie is a sorter odd
woman in some ways. Well, she's more peculiar on the husband line than
any other. Alf's been off now goin' on ten months, an' she hain't once
put pen to paper for him. So the few lines that has gone from this
shebang has been writ by yours truly. Alf hasn't writ to me much, but
I've kept 'im posted. He didn't write me he was headed this way, but I
got it from Cahews. As soon as I heard he was comin' in a week or so, I
set down to write how glad we was. I was in my room j'inin' your'n at
the time, an' all at once it struck me that it would be a royal welcome
to greet 'im with some sort o' joke, an' while I was tryin' to study up
some'n yore baby rolled out o' the bed an' struck the floor with a
thump. It was as quiet as a stick o' wood fer a minute till it ketched
its wind, an' then it set up a scream like a Comanchy Injun, an' right
thar I got my idea. I determined to write Alf that he'd become the daddy
of a bouncin' baby boy. But I had to go about it right, you see, for I
knowed Alf would smell a mice if I brought it out bluntlike; so, knowin'
that I'd have time to hear from him ag'in before he started, I jest
ended my letter by sayin' that I didn't intend to take no hand in the
little cold spell betwixt him an' his wife, but that I felt bound to say
that after she had laid down her pride to write him _sech important_ an'
_delicate news_, for him to take no notice of it whatever was enough to
hurt and offend any woman. He bit. He took my bait an' hook an' line,
broke my pole, an' run up-stream. He writ by the next mail--said he
hadn't got no letter from Hettie, an' axed me what the news was. He was
so anxious to know