nceit.

ADVICE TO YOUNG SWELLS.

Well, well, we must bide our time. Life isn't all beer and
skittles,--but beer and skittles,[81] or something better of the same
sort, must form a good part of every Englishman's education. If I
could only drive this into the heads of you rising Parliamentary lords
and young swells who "have your ways made for you," as the saying
is,--you who frequent palaver houses[82] and West-End clubs,[83]
waiting, always ready to strap yourselves on to the back of poor dear
old John,[84] as soon as the present used-up lot (your fathers and
uncles), who sit there on the great Parliamentary-majorities'
pack-saddle, and make believe they are guiding him with their
red-tape[85] bridle, tumble, or have to be lifted off.

[81] #Skittles#: the game of ninepins.

[82] #Palaver houses#: talk houses--the Houses of Parliament.

[83] #West-End Clubs#: clubs in the fashionable quarter of
London.

[84] #Old John#: John Bull.

[85] #Red-tape#: official routine and formalism.

I don't think much of you yet--I wish I could; though you do go
talking and lecturing up and down the country to crowded audiences,
and are busy with all sorts of philanthropic intellectualism, and
circulating libraries and museums, and Heaven only knows what besides,
and try to make us think, through newspaper reports, that you are,
even as we, of the working classes. But, bless your hearts, we
"aren't so green," though lots of us of all sorts toady[86] you
enough certainly, and try to make you think so.

[86] #Toady#: flatter.

I'll tell you what to do now; instead of all this trumpeting and fuss,
which is only the old Parliamentary-majority dodge over again--just
you go each of you (you've plenty of time for it, if you'll only give,
up t'other line) and quietly make three or four friends, real friends
among us. You'll find a little trouble in getting at the right sort,
because such birds don't come lightly to your lure,--but found they
may be. Take, say, two out of the professions, lawyer, parson,
doctor--which you will; one out of trade, and three or four out of the
working-classes, tailors, engineers, carpenters, engravers--there's
plenty of choice. Let them be men of your own ages, mind, and ask them
to your homes; introduce them to your wives and sisters, and get
introduced to theirs, give them good dinners, and talk to them about
what is really at the bottom of your hearts; and box, and run,