cording
to the text which I had often repeated in church: 'As I live, saith the
Lord God, I would not the death of a sinner, but that he should be
converted and live.' Ah, dear Lord God, thou knowest that I have not
lied or invented.

"I was so overcome by all this, that whilst I was going home to my
lodging, I was dissolved in tears. When I arrived there, I went into my
room and took the crucifix, that always lay on the table in my study,
placed it on the bench, and fell down before it on the ground. I cannot
here describe it, but I then felt the spirit of prayer and grace, which
thou, my God and Lord, pouredst out upon me. The purport of my prayer
was this, I beg that thou, dear God, wouldst be my father, and wouldst
forgive me my sins. I resign myself to thee altogether and entirely;
thou mayest do with me what thou pleasest, and though the priests will
not be merciful to me without money, be thou my merciful God and
Father.

"Then I found that my whole heart was changed: I felt vexed with all
worldly things, and imagined that I was quite wearied with this life.
Only one thing I desired, which was, to live for God and to please Him.
But who was there that could teach me, and how was I to effect this?
For the Word, the light and life of men, was throughout the whole world
buried in the darkness of human traditions and the mad idea of 'good
works.' Of Christ nothing was said, nothing was known of Him; or if He
was mentioned, He was represented to us as an angry and terrible judge,
whom his mother and all the saints in heaven could hardly appease, or
persuade to be merciful even by tears of blood; and it was said that
He, Christ, would cast those men who repented, for seven years into
purgatory for every mortal sin: there was no difference between the
pains of purgatory and those of hell, except that they were not
eternal. But now the Holy Spirit gave me the hope that God would be
merciful unto me.

"After this I began to consider how I was to enter upon a new course of
life. I saw the sinfulness of the whole world, and of the whole human
race. I saw my own manifold sins which were so very great. I had heard
somewhat of the great holiness and of the pure and innocent life of
monks; how they served God day and night, were separated from all the
wickedness of the world, and lived a temperate, pious, and chaste life,
performed masses, sang psalms, and were always fasting and praying. I
had also seen something of this p