behind
locked doors. Why not add a charming element of adventure to the
affair by entrusting some thoroughly absent-minded person with the
key?

* * *

Lord ESHER believes that "our home-coming is not far distant."
Meanwhile it is cheering to know that quite a number of our fellows
are getting home on the HINDENBURG line.

* * *

"Walking canes for ladies with small round heads of ivory" are
becoming increasingly popular, declared a contemporary. We ourselves
would hesitate to lash the follies of smart Society in a manner quite
so frank.

* * *

It appears that at the Bath War Hospital a hen lays an egg every day
in a soldier's locker. Only physical difficulties prevent the large
hearted bird from laying it in his egg-cup.

* * *

ZAMBI, a Zulu native, has just died at the age of a
hundred-and-twelve. It seems that war-worry hastened his end.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Proprietress_ (_as customer becomes obstreperous_),
"NOW THEN, WILLIE, OVER THE TOP!"]

* * * * *

=Professional Candour.=

From a dentist's advertisement:--

"TEETH EXTRACTED WITH THE GREATEST PAINS"

* * * * *

"Wanted.--Good cook-general, for very small Naval officer's
family."

_Isle of Wight Mercury_.

Intending applicants should exercise caution. A very small Naval
officer may have a very large family.

* * * * *

"L5 REWARD--Lost from Ruislip (July, 1214), half-persian dark
tabby tom cat."

_Harrow Observer_.

And they tell us that a cat has only nine lives!

* * * * *

=THE PROPHETIC PRESENT.=

"There is no Hindenburg line."

_Inspired German Press_.

By nature they abhor the light,
But here in this their latest tract
Your parrot Press by oversight
Has deviated into fact;
If not (at present) strictly true,
It shows a sound anticipation
Born of the fear that's father to
The allegation.

For, though the boasted "line" of which
No trace occurs on German maps
Retains the semblance of a ditch,
It has some nasty yawning gaps;
It bulges here, it wobbles there,
It crumples up with broken hinges,
Keeping no sort of pattern where
Our Push impinges.

When the triumphant word went round
How that your god, disguised as man,
At