n me not to go
through thick and thin, through flood and fire, for Mad. What in the
world was worth striving for if she was not worth it? Ah, I lost my
chance when I might have taken it, and trusted the rest to
Providence! But I did not know, though I fancied I did, the value of
the jewel, the price of which, in stern self-restraint, I refused to
pay. I might have been another man if I had not been so prudent,
for, as I have said, not another face has been to me quite (no, not
by a long chalk) what Mad's once was. It was only yesterday that I
heard by chance--and the story has haunted me since--that Mad is
still a single woman, her family all dispersed, and she a teacher in
a school--my quizzing, affectionate Mad a drudging, lonely teacher!

"After being so prudent, it is not wonderful to record that I was
fickle, though circumstances, and not my will, separated Mad and me
at first. I could not get down to the old place so regularly as I
was wont to do, which annoyed me, and I did my best to get rid of
the obstacles. When I did get down, Mad was not at home, and I had
no right to follow her. We met seldomer; we grew stiffer and
stranger to each other. You are acquainted with the process, Miss
West, though perhaps not fully with my share in it. The impression
which Mad had made on me, unique as it was, faded and was overlaid
by others. I met another girl, whom I liked too, and whom it
appeared so much simpler--more expedient and advantageous--for me to
love and to marry. I married her, breaking no vows, not writing
myself faithless, far less treacherous, but only fickle. Yet I had
once known, if ever man knew, that I had made Mad's strong heart--I
think it was strong, although it was soft to me--beat in tune with
mine. I had done all I could, short of saying the words, to impress
Mad with what were my wishes and intentions, I had preferred her in
every company, followed her when I was down at the old place, like
her shadow (her shadow, indeed!). I had elected her my confidante
and adviser, and poured all my precious opinions and plans--my very
scrapes--into her curious, patient ears. Mad, have you forgotten
how once, like an old-fashioned, grandiloquent muff, I showed you
the picture of a perfect woman in a book of poetry--'Paradise Lost'
it might have been, and 'Eve' for any special