is the lad
who should play that for us, better than any human voice could sing it?
When shall we have our Jack home again?"

The Colonel hummed and hawed, and said it was absurd to suppose that any
fiddle, however inoffensive,--and he acknowledged that his nephew's
fiddle gave as little offence as any he had ever heard,--still it was
absurd to think for an instant that it could be compared with the sound
of the human voice.

"Give me a young woman's voice, my dear madam," he said, turning to Mrs.
Grahame; "give me that organ, singing a song with melody and feeling in
it,--none of your discordant Dutch cobwebs, none of your Italian
squalling, or your French caterwauling, but a _song_,--a thing which is
necessarily in the English language,--and I ask nothing more,--except
that the singer be young and good-looking."

"Are you so very reasonable, I wonder, as you think, my dear Colonel?"
said Mrs. Grahame, laughing. "Surely we cannot expect that every person
who sings shall be beautiful."

"Then she has no business to sing, madam," said the Colonel. "My
opinion,--worth nothing, I am aware, from a musical point of view. Now,
when I was in Washington last week,--stayed at a friend's
house,--delightful people,--very good to the Boy here. Weren't they,
Young Sir?"

"They were fountains in the valley!" said Hugh. "They were ducks,--but
they quacked, instead of singing."

"Precisely! Exactly! The child has described it, my dear madam. There
were two young ladies in the family,--charming girls,--when they kept
their mouths shut. The moment they opened them to sing,--a pair of
grinning idols. I do not exaggerate, Mrs. Merryweather,--grinning
idols, madam!"

"Really!" said Mrs. Merryweather. "How distressing!"

"Distressing? My dear lady, it was excruciating! They opened their
mouths--"

"But, _dear_ Colonel Ferrers!" cried Hildegarde. "They _had_ to open
their mouths, surely! You would not have had them sing with closed
lips?"

"I am aware that they had to open their mouths, my child, to some
extent. They were not, I conceive, forced to assume the aspect of the
dentist's chair. They opened their mouths, I say,--red gulfs, in which
every molar could be counted,--and they shut their eyes. They hunched
their shoulders, and they wriggled their bodies. Briefly, such an
exhibition that I wondered their mother did not shut them in the
coal-cellar, or anywhere else where they might escape being seen.
Frightful, I assure you!