Paulus! It is not what you
suppose that influences him. I have watched him suspiciously, almost
jealously, as sharply as a father--or can it be a lover? But I did him
injustice--or too much honor? He has nothing in his head except those
invisible Alemanni and our ships, still delayed at Arbor.
* * * * *
Yet why only for a visit? Why should she not remain in my house always
to beautify my advancing years with the roseate dawn of her youth?
Yes. Eos, Aurora: it is a fitting symbol for her. So young, so full of
the dewy freshness of the morning, with her ruddy curling locks
floating saucily around her.
Perhaps, now that she has grown more sensible, she will joyfully accept
the offer I made when she was a child: to go with me as my adopted
daughter.--Daughter? That is not the right word; no longer the right
word: she has blossomed into womanhood: I should not think of lifting
her on my knee, as I did years ago. She has become too mature.
And I am still too young to regard her only as a daughter.--Rather as a
brother, her loving brother who rejoices in her beauty. No, it will not
do.
A short time ago her round arm brushed me (the German women go with
bare arms); a fiery thrill darted through my veins. I can scarcely
doubt it, I---
My feelings for her do not concern other people. I might at any rate
first take her with me--and then adopt her? No matter what the legal
form may be, I am determined to keep her near me always.
I can no longer do without her charming presence; everything would grow
dark and cold. Already I shiver at the thought of again living alone
with the icy-hearted Herculanus.
She has become my muse! A barbarian one, do you scoff? Aha, are these
lines so barbaric?
"Incarnate joy! Caressing bliss! O thou embodiment of
sportive grace!
How the Barbarian maid the fair ones of Latium hath vanquished!
Bissula! Plebeian her name may sound in the ears of aliens:
But to Ausonius it echoes with harmonies sweet and bewitching."
CHAPTER XXIV.
It is useless to conceal it from myself any longer, and what I admit to
myself must also be confessed to you, my Paulus, my second self, at the
same moment. Alas, I fear you read it long ago from these words in
prose and verse.
I beseech you not to shake your cool, cautious head as usual over your
"too youthful" Ausonius: I hope my heart will throb warmly till it
ceases to b
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