f prescribing merely for the disease by name, irrespective of
symptomatology. I was called to see a poor Dutchman who was in the last
stage of pulmonary consumption. He had just been brought home from a
certain city, where he had been in a hospital for two or three months.

"Well, Hans," I said, "how did they use you at the hospital; they are
very scientific there, you know, and must have done great things for
you.'"

"O Doctor!" he groaned, "dondt speak aboudt dem fellers. Dey vos de
piggest lot of shackasses I efer saw."

"Why, Hans, I am surprised at you! What did they do that did not please
you?"

"Vell, I tells you. Ven I goes into dot hoshpital, dey oxamines mine
lungs. Den dey puts me into a pedt mit a pig card hanging ofer mine
hedt, und dere vos on dot card in pig letters, de vird, CONSUMPTION. I
tink dey puts dot card dere to encourage me ven I looks at him. Und in a
leedle pox py mine hedt, dey puts a pottle of medticine und say to me,
'You dakes a teaspoonful of dot efery dree hours.' So I do dot. It vos
awful stuff but I sticks to him aboudt dree veeks. Den I can no more
dake it. It makes me so seek to mine stummick dot I gan no more eat
anyting. So I say to de steward von morning, 'I gan no more dake dot
medticine. I must haf some oder kind.' Vell, sir, you should haf seen
dot feller look at me. He lifts up his hands und says, 'I shoost adtmire
you, Hans.' 'What for you adtmire me?' 'Pecause you vos de piggest
kicker dot efer comes into dis hoshpital. Now look at yourself. You vos
oxamined und put into de ped to which you pelong. Dere ish de card
hanging ofer your hedt vot tells vot vos der matter mit you. Und den
dere ish der medticine for consumption in de pottle py your hedt. Dot
medticine is Doctor Smith's favorite prescription for dot disease. Und
mit all dot you kicks. Vot more do you want?' 'Vell,' I say, 'I gan no
more dake dot medticine. It makes me awful seek.' 'Now, Hans, dondt be
so unreasonable. You pelongs to dot ped, und whoefer goes into dot ped
dakes dot medticine. Dondt you see?' 'But I dells you dot I gan no more
dake dot medticine. It vill kill me. If no oder medticine goes mit this
ped, put me in some oder ped dot has a tifferent pottle, I cares not
what it is.' But no, sir! dey keeps me in dot ped. So I spidts Doctor
Smith's tam stuff into de slop bowl, und comes home so quick as I gan."

"I could hardly credit Hans' story, and told it as a joke to an old
school physician who was