would abandon the
business and become honoured members of society--insurance presidents,
or bank cashiers, or church treasurers. He didn't say how the reformed
burglars were to find employment in banks and insurance offices, and
such, but that was a matter of detail, and he always preferred to devise
large and noble schemes, and leave the working details of them to other
men.

"One morning, Colonel Hoskins, who was an early riser, went down to the
dining-room before breakfast, and was surprised to find that he had had
a midnight visit from burglars. Two empty wine bottles stood on the
table, and all the cake was eaten, which showed that the burglars had
accepted the invitation to refresh themselves. But they did not seem to
have accepted it in quite the right spirit. All Hoskins's spoons and
forks lay in a heap in the middle of the floor, and every one was
twisted or broken so as to be good for nothing. The window had been left
open, and the rain had ruined the curtains, and on a dirty piece of
paper the burglars had scrawled with a lead pencil the opinion that 'Old
Hoskins is the biggest fule, and the gol-darndest skinflint in the
country. You set out whiskey next time, or we'll serve you out.'

"Hoskins was not in the least cast down by the rudeness of the burglars.
'Poor fellows,' he said, 'they have been so used to bad treatment that
they don't altogether appreciate kindness at first. But they will
learn.' So he laid in some new spoons and forks, and added a bottle of
whiskey to the wine that he kept in the closet for the burglars, and was
as confident as ever that the next gang that might break into his house
would be melted into tears and repentance, and would call him their best
and dearest friend.

[Illustration: "EVERY ONE WAS TWISTED OR BROKEN."]

"A week or two later Mrs. Hoskins was awakened by a noise in the
dining-room, and, after waking up her husband, told him that there were
burglars in the house, and that he must get out of the back window and
go for the police. He told her that he was sorry to see her manifest
such an unchristian spirit, and he would show her how burglars ought to
be treated. There was not the least doubt that there were burglars in
the house, and they were making a good deal more noise than was strictly
consistent with the prospect of rising in their profession, for no able
burglar ever makes any unnecessary noise while engaged in business,
unless, of course, he falls over a coal