rip germs had to pull
out on the platform and chew the conductor.

The next one to me on my left started in:

"Oh, yes; we discharged our cook day before yesterday, but there's
another coming this evening, and so--"

Her friend broke away and was up and back to the center with this:

"I was coming down Broadway this morning and I saw Julia Marlowe's
leading man. I'm sure it was him, because I saw the show once in Chicago
and he has the loveliest eyes I ever looked at!"

I knew that that was my cue to walk out, kick the motorman in the
knuckles, upset the car and send in a fire call, but I passed it up.

I just sat there and bit my nails like the heavy villain in one of Corse
Payton's ten, twen, thir dramas.

That "loveliest eyes" speech had me groggy.

Whenever I hear a woman turn on that "loveliest eyes" gag about an actor
I always feel that a swift slap from a wet dish-rag would look well on
her back hair.

Then the bunch across the aisle got the flag.

"Well, you know," says the broad lady who paid for one seat and was
compelled by Nature to use three, "you know there's only five in our
family, and so I take just five slices of stale bread and have a bowl of
water ready in which I've dropped a pinch of salt. Then I take a piece
of butter about the size of a walnut, and thoroughly grease the bottom
of a frying-pan; then beat five eggs to a froth, and--"

I'm hoping the conductor will come in and give us all a tip to take to
the timber because the cops are going to pinch the room, but there's
nothing doing.

One of the dames on my right finds her voice and passes it around:--

"Oh, I think it's a perfect fright! I always did detest electric blue,
anyway. It is so unbecoming, and then--"

I've just decided that this lady ought to make up as a Swede servant
girl and play the part, when her friend hooks in:

"Oh, yes; I think it will look perfectly sweet! It is a foulard in one
of those new heliotrope tints, made with a crepe de chine chemisette,
with a second vest peeping out on either side of the front over an
embroidered satin vest and cut in scallops on the edge, finished with a
full ruche of white chiffon, and the sleeves are just too tight for any
use, and the skirt is too long for any good, and I declare the lining is
too sweet! and I just hate to wear it out on the street and get it
soiled, and I was going to have it made with a tunic, and Mrs.
Wigwag--that's my brother-in-law's first cousin--she