nk_." As this was the Commissioner's first attempt at a witticism, we
forgive him.

* * * * *

MORE FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

(FROM OUR OWN ONE.)

A marriage is on the _tapis_ between Mr. John Smith, the distinguished
toll-collector at the Marsh Gate, and Miss Julia Belinda Snooks, the
lovely and accomplished daughter of the gallant out-pensioner of Greenwich
Hospital. Should the wedding take place, the bridegroom will be given away
by Mr. Levy, the great toll-contractor; while the blushing bride will be
attended to the altar by her mother-in-law, the well-known laundress of
Tash-street. The _trousseau_, consisting of a selection from a bankrupt's
stock of damaged _de laines_, has been purchased at Lambeth House; and a
parasol carefully chosen from a lot of 500, all at one-and-ninepence, will
be presented by the happy bridegroom on the morning of the marriage. A
cabman has already been spoken to, and a shilling fare has been sketched
out for the eventful morning, which is so arranged as to terminate at the
toll-house, from which Mr. Smith can only be absent for about an hour,
during which time the toll will be taken by an amateur of celebrity.

Among the fashionables at the Bower Saloon, we observed Messrs. Jones and
Brown, Mr. J. Jones, Mr. H. Jones, Mr. M. Brown, Mr. K. Brown, and several
other distinguished leaders of the _ton_ in Stangate.

There is no truth in the report that Tom Timkins intends resigning his
seat at the apple-stall in the New Cut; and the rumours of a successor are
therefore premature and indelicate.

The vacant crossing opposite the Victoria has not been offered to Bill
Swivel, nor is it intended that any one shall be appointed to the post in
the Circus.

* * * * *

CONS. WORTH CONNING.

Why is the making a _mem._ of the number of a person's residence like a
general election?--Because it's done to re-member _the house_.

Why is Count D'Orsay a capital piece of furniture for a kitchen?--Because
he's a _good dresser_.

* * * * *

MORBID SYMPATHY FOR CRIMINALS.

Our contemporary, the _Times_, for the last few days has been very justly
deprecating the existing morbid sympathy for criminals. The moment that a
man sins against the conventionalities of society he ought certainly to be
excluded from all claims upon the sympathy of his fellows. It is very true
that even the felon has kindre