e Bar, but
has resolved to return to his first love--journalism. Sport is the
only department in which the ornate and orotund style of which Mr.
ASQUITH is a master is still in vogue, and the description of classic
events in classical diction will furnish him with a congenial opening
for the exercise of his great literary talent.

The rumour that Mr. BALFOUR, on his retirement from the post of
Foreign Secretary, will take up the arduous duties of caddie-master at
St. Andrew's is not yet fully confirmed. Meanwhile he is known to be
considering the alternative offer of the secretaryship to the Handel
Society. In this context it is interesting to hear that, according to
a Rotterdam agency, Sir EDWARD ELGAR has just completed a series of
pieces for the mouth-organ, dedicated to Sir LEO CHIOZZA MONEY, which
will, it is hoped, be shortly heard in the luncheon interval at the
Coal Commission.

* * * * *

[Illustration: "EXCUSE ME, OFFICER, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN ANY PICKPOCKETS
ABOUT HERE WITH A HANDKERCHIEF MARKED 'SUSAN'?"]

* * * * *

A SPORTING CHANCE.

DEAR ALEC,--Jolly glad to hear you're coming home. I beat
you after all, though. I suppose I was looking particularly
pivotal when I saw the D.O., because he let me through at
once.

Will you go back to the Governor's office?

Yours ever, GARRY NORTON.

DEAR GARRY,--Haven't the faintest; but before settling down
I'm going to have a week or two, either sailing or fishing, so
as to try to shed the army feeling, and I think you'd better
come with me. I've saved no end of shekels, and I'm going to
give old Cox a run for his money (the bit that's mine, I mean,
that he's been keeping for me).

If you can find a likely craft, mop her up for me, old bean,
and we'll have a hairy time somewhere on the S.W. coast.

Yours in haste, ALEC RIDLEY.

DEAR ALEC,--I wish you'd be less vague. What sort of a boat do
you want--schooner, yawl, cutter or spoonbill? A half-decker,
or the full five quires to the ream? Give me definite
instructions and I'll do my best to carry them out. I'm afraid
I can't get off, so you'll have to take someone else, or
incarnadine the seas by yourself.

Yours as ever, GARRY.

DEAR GARRY,--Sorry to hear you can't come. Any kind of a boat
that will go without bouncing too high will do, and if