and plague
that I bring upon myself to be so jealous and by giving myself such
an occasion more than my wife desired of giving her another month's
dancing. Which however shall be ended as soon as I can possibly. But I
am ashamed to think what a course I did take by lying to see whether
my wife did wear drawers to-day as she used to do, and other things to
raise my suspicion of her, but I found no true cause of doing it.

16th. Up with my mind disturbed and with my last night's doubts upon me,
for which I deserve to be beaten if not really served as I am fearful of
being, especially since God knows that I do not find honesty enough in
my own mind but that upon a small temptation I could be false to her,
and therefore ought not to expect more justice from her, but God pardon
both my sin and my folly herein. To my office and there sitting all the
morning, and at noon dined at home. After dinner comes Pembleton, and I
being out of humour would not see him, pretending business, but, Lord!
with what jealousy did I walk up and down my chamber listening to hear
whether they danced or no, which they did, notwithstanding I afterwards
knew and did then believe that Ashwell was with them. So to my office
awhile, and, my jealousy still reigning, I went in and, not out of any
pleasure but from that only reason, did go up to them to practise, and
did make an end of "La Duchesse," which I think I should, with a little
pains, do very well. So broke up and saw him gone. Then Captain Cocke
coming to me to speak about my seeming discourtesy to him in the
business of his hemp, I went to the office with him, and there
discoursed it largely and I think to his satisfaction. Then to my
business, writing letters and other things till late at night, and so
home to supper and bed. My mind in some better ease resolving to prevent
matters for the time to come as much as I can, it being to no purpose to
trouble myself for what is past, being occasioned too by my own folly.

17th (Lord's day). Up and in my chamber all the morning, preparing my
great letters to my father, stating to him the perfect condition of our
estate. My wife and Ashwell to church, and after dinner they to church
again, and I all the afternoon making an end of my morning's work,
which I did about the evening, and then to talk with my wife till after
supper, and so to bed having another small falling out and myself vexed
with my old fit of jealousy about her dancing-master. But I