hear her say she'd come home for nothing but
the money?

DR. MASTERSON. Yes... but at least she's honest enough to say it,
Sophronia. And she's here as our guest... she wants to be friendly ...
don't let it come to an open break with her!

LETITIA. But how can we HELP it, father?

DR. MASTERSON. It's just a matter of letting her talk. And what harm
will that do us?

MRS. MASTERSON. But we can't lock her up in the house. And can we
introduce her to our friends? Tomorrow night, for instance!

DR. MASTERSON. We must manage it somehow. When we've once had an
understanding with her, it won't take long to get the papers signed, and
after that we won't care. Control yourself, Sophronia, I implore you!
Don't let your prejudices ruin us!

ETHEL. [Steals to them, in agitation.] Mother, CAN'T you be good to her?
You don't understand her at all.

MRS. MASTERSON. [Coldly.] Thank you, Ethel...

ETHEL. [To FREDDY, who joins them.] Can't you say something to them,
Freddy? They treat her so badly.

FREDDY. They hate her, Ethel! They couldn't understand her.

[OCEANA takes deep breaths, expelling them in short, sharp puffs.]

LETITIA. What in the world are you doing?

OCEANA. That's one of the Yogi exercises. Haven't any of you studied the
Vedantas?

LETITIA. We are all Episcopalians here, Oceana.

OCEANA. Oh, I see!

[She takes a deep breath and then pounds her chest like a gorilla.]

MRS. MASTERSON. And pray, what is THAT?

OCEANA. I'm just getting some of the civilization out of my lungs.

[A furious gale blows.]

MRS. MASTERSON. Really, my dear, we shall have to leave the room. We'll
all catch our death of cold.

OCEANA. My dear Aunt Sophronia, nobody ever caught a cold from winter
air. Colds come from over-eating and bad ventilation. [She closes the
window.] However, there you are! [Eagerly.] Now, let's have something
beautiful--so that I can forget my blunders. Let's have some music. Will
you play for me, Cousin Letitia?

LETITIA. I don't play, my dear.

OCEANA. What? Why, father told me you played all the time!

LETITIA. That was before my marriage.

OCEANA. Oh, I see! [Laughs.] The music has accomplished its purpose!
[Stops, alarmed.] Oh! I've done it again! [Goes to LETITIA.] My dear
cousin, believe me, I meant no offense. I'm never personal. I was simply
formulating a principle of sociology!

MRS. MASTERSON. You have strange ways, my dear niece.

DR. MASTERSON. Are you always so direct, so rut