as a brother out to do, yet it was
impossible for me to do so to him; in short, I committed adultery and
incest with him every day in my desires, which, without doubt, was as
effectually criminal in the nature of the guilt as if I had actually
done it.

Before my husband died his elder brother was married, and we, being
then removed to London, were written to by the old lady to come and be
at the wedding. My husband went, but I pretended indisposition, and
that I could not possibly travel, so I stayed behind; for, in short, I
could not bear the sight of his being given to another woman, though I
knew I was never to have him myself.

I was now, as above, left loose to the world, and being still young and
handsome, as everybody said of me, and I assure you I thought myself
so, and with a tolerable fortune in my pocket, I put no small value
upon myself. I was courted by several very considerable tradesmen, and
particularly very warmly by one, a linen-draper, at whose house, after
my husband's death, I took a lodging, his sister being my acquaintance.
Here I had all the liberty and all the opportunity to be gay and appear
in company that I could desire, my landlord's sister being one of the
maddest, gayest things alive, and not so much mistress of her virtue as
I thought as first she had been. She brought me into a world of wild
company, and even brought home several persons, such as she liked well
enough to gratify, to see her pretty widow, so she was pleased to call
me, and that name I got in a little time in public. Now, as fame and
fools make an assembly, I was here wonderfully caressed, had abundance
of admirers, and such as called themselves lovers; but I found not one
fair proposal among them all. As for their common design, that I
understood too well to be drawn into any more snares of that kind. The
case was altered with me: I had money in my pocket, and had nothing to
say to them. I had been tricked once by that cheat called love, but
the game was over; I was resolved now to be married or nothing, and to
be well married or not at all.

I loved the company, indeed, of men of mirth and wit, men of gallantry
and figure, and was often entertained with such, as I was also with
others; but I found by just observation, that the brightest men came
upon the dullest errand--that is to say, the dullest as to what I aimed
at. On the other hand, those who came with the best proposals were the
dullest and most dis