for that;--I remember he said you call'd him a
blockhead.

TRUEMAN. You may go and tell him I advise him to relinquish his
knight-errant project, or I will expose his absurdity by taking the
advantage which the law offers in such cases.

HUMPHRY. That is, you'll take the law of him, if he goes for to fight you.

TRUEMAN. Fight me!--Oh, grovelling idea! Wit-forsaken progeny of a more
than soporific pericranium! Fight me!--Hear and be astonished, O Cicero,
Demosthenes, Socrates, Plato, Seneca, Aristotle,--

HUMPHRY. Oh, for shame!--Do you read Haristotle?

TRUEMAN. Be it known to thee, thou monstrous mass of ignorance, if such an
uninformed clod, dull and heavy as that element to which it must trace its
origin, can comprehend these very obvious and palpable truths, expressed in
the most plain, simple, easy, unscholastic diction.--I repeat again, that
you may apprehend me with the greater perspicuity and facility,--be it
known to thee, that those immaculate sages would have died rather than have
used such an expression; by the dignity of my profession, they would:--'tis
true that the ancients had such things as single combats among the Olympic
games, and they were always performed by the populace; but such a fight,
alias a tilt, a tournament, a wrestle, could not, according to the rule of
right, and the eternal fitness and aptitude of things, be properly
denominated a _bona fide_ fight; for, as I before observed, it was _ipso
facto_, a game, an Olympic game.--Olympic, from Olympus.

HUMPHRY. Pray now, Mr. Schoolmaster, if a body mought be so bold, what do
you think of the last war? Does your Schoolmastership think how that was a
fona bide fight?

TRUEMAN. You are immensely illiterate; but I will reply to your
interrogatory.--My opinion of the late war, is as follows, to
wit.--_Imprimis._ The Americans were wise, brave and virtuous to struggle
for that liberty, independence and happiness, which the new government will
now render secure. _Item._ The Americans were prodigious fortunate to
obtain the said liberty, independence and happiness. A war, encounter,
combat, or, if you please, fight like this, is great and glorious; it will
immortalize the name of the renowned WASHINGTON,--more than that of
Cincinnatus, Achilles, AEneas, Alexander the Great, Scipio, Gustavus Vasa,
Mark Anthony, Kouli Khan, Caesar or Pompey.

HUMPHRY. Caesar and Pompey! Why them is nigers' names.

TRUEMAN. _O tempora! O mores!_

HUMPHRY. He