ite your ear off!

[Illustration]

5.

I'm certain nothing can be done
To make you join in any fun;
It does no good to shake or beat you,
So now I've half a mind to eat you.

[Illustration]

6.

Well, there! you're done for now! Oh dear!
What makes me feel so very queer?
What were you good for, anyway,
Not fit to eat, and wouldn't play?

[Illustration: FUN]

TABLE TACTICS.--Old Francis was a wag; and once, when early peas were on
the table, he emptied the contents of his snuff-box over them. "Francis!
Francis!" they exclaimed, "what are you about?" "I like them that way,"
was the answer. He, of course, had the dish to himself, and when he had
concluded, remarked: "You thought it was snuff, did you? Nothing but
black pepper."

* * * * *

A cat caught a sparrow, and was about to devour it; but the sparrow
said, "No gentleman eats till he washes his face." The cat, struck with
this remark, set the sparrow down and began to wash his face with his
paw, but the sparrow flew away. This vexed puss extremely, and he said,
"As long as I live I will eat first and wash my face afterward"--which
all cats do even to this day.

* * * * *

"What dogs are these?" inquired a gentleman of a lad who was drawing a
couple of terriers along. "I dinna ken, Sir," replied the boy; "they
cam' wi' the railway, and they ate the direction, and dinna ken where to
gang."

* * * * *

NUMERICAL CHARADE.--I am a word of 8 letters. My 1, 6, 3 is a domestic
animal; my 8, 6, 3 is a grain; my 7, 4, 3 is an adverb; my 5, 2, 3 is
damp; my 4, 5, 2 is an animal; my 1, 8, 3 is a dwelling; and my _whole_
a black man very notorious of late.

* * * * *

Say this correctly without stopping: "Bandy-legged Borachio Mustachio
Whiskerifusticus the bold and brave Bombardino of Bagdad helped
Abomilique Blue-beard Bashaw of Babelmandeb to beat down an abominable
Bumble-Bee at Balsora."

* * * * *

A lady making inquiries of a boy about his father, an intemperate man,
who had been sick for some time, asked whether he had regained his
appetite. "No, ma'am," said the boy, "not exactly; his appetite is very
poor, but his _drinkatite_ is as good as ever."

* * * * *

There is one thing which a man with two eyes can never see with one of