e tedious, to give you all
the conversation that we had after Stride had gone, but the upshot was
that she gave me warning.

"`But, my good woman,' I began--

"`It's of no use good-womaning me, Mr Crossley,' said she, `I
couldn't exist in a 'ouse w'ere smokin' is allowed. My dear father
died of smokin'--at least, if he didn't, smokin' must 'ave 'ad
somethink to do with it, for after the dear man was gone a pipe an' a
plug of the nasty stuff was found under 'is piller, so I can't stand
it; an' what's more, Mr Crossley, I _won't_ stand it! Just think,
sir, 'ow silly it is to put a bit of clay in your mouth an' draw smoke
through it, an' then to spit it out again as if you didn't like it; as
no more no one _does_ on beginnin' it, for boys only smoke to look
like men, an' men only smoke because they've got up the 'abit an'
can't 'elp it. W'y, sir, you may git up _any_ 'abit. You may git the
'abit of walkin' on your 'ands an' shakin' your legs in the hair if
you was to persevere long enough, but that would only prove you a fool
fit for a circus or a lunatic asylum. You never see the hanimals
smokin'. They knows better. Just fancy! what would you think if you
saw the cab 'osses all a-settin' on their tails in the rank smokin'
pipes an' cigars! What would you think of a 'oss w'en 'is cabby
cried, "Gee-up, there's a fare a 'owlin' for us," an' that 'oss would
say, "Hall right, cabby, just 'old on, hold man, till I finish my
pipe"? No, Mr Crossley, no, I--'

"`But, my good soul!' I burst in here, `do listen--'

"`No use good-soulin' me, Mr Crossley. I tell you I won't stand it.
My dear father died of it, an' I _can't_ stand it--'

"`I _hate_ it, Mrs Bland, myself!'

"I shouted this interruption in such a loud fierce tone that the good
woman stopped and looked at me in surprise.

"`Yes, Mrs Bland,' I continued, in the same tone, `I detest smoking.
You know I always did, but now more than ever, for your reasoning has
convinced me that there are _some_ evil consequences of smoking which
are almost worse than smoking itself! Rest assured that never again
shall the smell of the noxious weed defile the walls of this house.'

"`Lauk, sir!' said Mrs Bland.

"I had subdued her, Charlie, by giving in with dignity. I shall try
the same role next breeze that threatens.

"I almost feel that I owe you an apology for the length of this
epistl